


Remember Me

by osirismind



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: 2018 Thiam Big Bang, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Temporary Amnesia, Thiam, soft times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 22:21:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16648949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/osirismind/pseuds/osirismind
Summary: Isn't it absurd how one moment can change your whole life? One thing leads to another and suddenly your world turns upside down. The dominoes fall in perfect order and still you're left without the one tile that has kept your life in order. Theo finds himself in one of those situations… One second he’s happy and in love with Liam and the other he’s doubting that he will ever get his boyfriend back. Though, there is still hope that the dominoes will play well for him. Liam will remember him, right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my friends who have been keeping me sane over the last month. [Des](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maraudersourwolf) and [Mercy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/parttimehuman) are saints for putting up with all my screaming and whining about this fic, so a special thanks goes to them.
> 
> But the biggest thank you goes to [Sab](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashWrites) who has not only been my beta but also an amazing friend and my biggest support. I would have gone crazy without her. She put so much time and effort into editing this fic, even when I suddenly decided to change all the tenses. Thank you so much, Sab.
> 
> The song that fits best to this fic is "You're Somebody Else" by Flora Cash, so you might wanna listen to it while reading the fic.
> 
> Enjoy the madness!

Theo immediately jumps up from his chair when he sees that Liam is opening his eyes and runs to the side of his bed. 

“Hey, Sunshine. How are you feeling?” Theo asks carefully, trying to intertwine his fingers with Liam’s but the other boy takes his hand away before he can do so.

Liam looks a little lost, his eyes taking in the surroundings as if he is searching for something. And then his gaze settles back on Theo. The chimera couldn’t miss noticing the ghost of a smile on his lips and his blue eyes being glazed and not as bright as usual. The last rays of the setting sun that is shining through the window are the only things that light up Liam’s features. 

“Hey. I’m fine, I guess. Where am I? How did I get here?” Liam demands slightly confused, his voice still raspy due to the fact that he has just woken up. 

Theo hesitates for a moment, looking down at his hands as if they are holding the answer to finding the right words to tell Liam what had happened to him. Once again, tears are welling up in his eyes. 

“You- you got shot. We had to bring you here. Here as in the animal clinic. We almost lost you. I almost lost you. But Deaton managed to save you. You have been unconscious for nearly a whole day,” Theo presses out, his teary eyes still focused on his now trembling hands.

Liam nods slowly but his eyes are telling a different story when they widen in shock. 

“I got shot. Oh my god, I got shot. How did I manage to get shot? And why am I in an animal clinic and not in a hospital?” He asks more to himself, not as calm anymore as he has been just moments before. But Theo can’t blame him. This is a lot to process, even for Liam. 

“You took a bullet for me. One of Monroe’s hunters aimed his gun at me and the moment he pulled the trigger, you jumped in front of me. You’re my hero now. But don’t ever do this again, I was scared to death. I couldn’t live without you, Sunshine. And of course we couldn’t bring you to a normal hospital, you know that they don’t have the right equipment and stuff, and so we brought you here,” Theo tries to keep his voice as steady as possible, but the concern in his tone betrays him. He doesn’t want to worry Liam right after he has woken up, but he isn’t able to hold back the strong emotions he is feeling, either. He has been holding them in for far too long already. Since Liam had gotten shot. He had tried to block the emotions out and to think rational. But now that Liam is finally awake they are slowly crawling back from the corner he had pushed them in.

Liam nods again. Though, he still looks confused, lost. In any other situation, Theo would have found it adorable, but this is completely different. It is serious. 

“Why would I take a bullet for you? I mean, I might be a nice person but almost dying for a stranger is not on top of my bucket list. And why couldn’t you-“, Liam cuts himself off when he sees the shocked expression on Theo’s face, his mouth gaping open and his eyes wide.

“What- what- did you just say?” Theo stutters, caught off guard.

The Beta frowns deeply. “I’m sorry if I offended you in any way, but I think that no one would die for a stranger,” Liam explains himself and shrugs.

Theo is about to lose it completely. “Are you joking? If you are, then it isn’t funny.” 

Liam’s frown fades when he raises an eyebrow, pure confusion written all over his face. “Nope, I’m dead serious. I mean you seem like a nice guy but I still wouldn’t die for you.”

"You don't remember me, do you?" The chimera's voice is nothing more than a whisper. He could feel his expression dropping, his eyes widening in shock and his mouth becoming a thin line. He has no control over his chemo signals or heartbeat anymore. And at this moment he doesn’t care in the slightest. His whole attention is on Liam now. He waits for his answer even though he already knows what it will be, extremely scared to hear the words spoken out loud. 

And so Theo holds his breath as he watches Liam shaking his head slowly and forming the words he doesn’t want to hear, “No, I don’t remember you. Should I?”

He needs a moment to process that it is real and then it clicks in Theo’s mind. Everything starts to make sense. But he still has to make sure that his theory is true. Though a big part of him hopes that it isn’t.

"Do you know who you are?" Theo asks, fear gripping at his heart as he is bracing himself for the answer that would follow.

Once again, Liam frowns deeply. "I'm Liam Dunbar, but why would you ask me that? After what you said I had expected that you knew who I was. But since I don't know who you are, introducing yourself might help to refresh my memories."

Theo doubts that. He can’t believe what is happening right now. His boyfriend doesn’t recognize him. He is a stranger to him. It takes him a moment to grasp it completely before his whole world comes crashing down on him. This can’t be happening. Not to him. It has to be a dream, a really bad dream, a nightmare. One of Tara's tricks. But this is even worse than one of his nightmares. In his nightmares he only relives hell, but when he wakes up he is back in reality, back in Liam’s strong arms that are holding him while he gently assures him that everything is going to be okay. That he will be fine. And Theo knows he will be. He always is when he is with Liam. But this time he isn’t going to wake up. Liam can’t comfort him. There is no one who will tell him that everything is going to be alright, at least no one who can convince him.

All the emotions he has stored in the back of his head and even more than just them are flooding his mind, threatening to drown him. They are like a tsunami that can destroy a whole city. It only needs something that is causing it, an earthquake. And his earthquake is sitting right in front of him. The tsunami is flooding his mind before it becomes all too much. He can’t handle this. He turns around to storm out of the room, to escape the scenery that is tearing his heart apart. He has to clear his mind. The panic tightens his chest. His breathing gets heavier and every attempt to steady it as well as his heartbeat fails.

But Theo stops dead in his tracks when an all too familiar hand cups his arm. But it doesn’t feel right. Theo looks down at the hand and then up to the owner of it. Liam is watching him through his thick lashes, concern drawn on his face. His eyes a piercing bright blue, the glaze slightly fading. He sees Liam's lips forming words but he can’t hear them. The pounding of his fast heartbeat is too loud, drowning out all the other noises.

He frees himself out of the beta's firm grip and runs out of the room, heading to the parking lot. He fumbles with the keys in the pockets of his jeans until he manages to unlock his truck. He opens the door on the driver's side and climbs into the car. Then he crawls onto the seat, his head and trembling hands resting on the steering wheel as he is trying to steady himself so that he won’t fall. But Theo is still falling… mentally. Tears are welling up in his eyes but this time he doesn’t hold them back. He lets them stream down his cheeks while he begins to sob so hard that his throat is burning like fire.  Even though he lets everything out, his chest still feels tight, too tight.

Theo doesn’t know how long he has been sitting there. It could have been minutes but also hours. All he knows is that he still isn’t okay when the last tears have escaped the corners of his swollen eyes. He is exhausted. And not only because he has been crying. He feels like a part of him is missing and he isn’t ready to admit that he exactly knows why he feels this way yet. Theo has hope. Hope that Liam's memories will come back, they have to. He can’t accept the possibility that they are gone. That his Liam is gone forever. He will help him to remember. He would try anything to get him back.

So he snaps out of his shock the best he can. He has to think logical now, rational like he already has done when Liam had been unconscious. He knows that something like getting shot can cause a post-traumatic amnesia. It would take some time and then the memories would come back. Probably. Though, there is also a voice in the back of his mind that is doubting that. A voice he knows all too well. Tara's voice is telling him things like:  _ “But what if they don’t? What if Liam would never remember? Never remember you.” _

But Theo won’t give up. He is a fighter, a survivor. They have already gone through so much together. And he knows that Liam would never give up on him. So he pulls himself together and opens the door to climb out of the truck. To go back into the animal clinic. Back to Liam.

 

 

They are standing on the front porch of the Dunbar-Geyer-residence. The place Theo has learned to call home. And he had never been more nervous to go inside. To face the woman who is like a mother to him. The woman who has welcomed him with open arms in her home and in her heart. 

Back in the animal clinic, he had tried to convince Liam that everything is alright and that he doesn't have to worry about him. He had steadied his heartbeat and had put on a fake smile, and he knows that Liam still hadn’t believed him due to his swollen eyes that had betrayed him. Theo had told him about his post-traumatic amnesia and had lied to him when he had said that he is pretty sure about him getting his memories back in a few days. He hates lying to Liam. The words had felt like needles on his tongue. But he had had to do it, for Liam and also for himself.

Then he had explained to him why they even had been on a mission in the first place. He had had to tell him that he is a werewolf which, obviously, had come as a shock to Liam. And Theo had found out that the beta apparently doesn’t remember anyone. Only his own name. 

So he had left out the part in which he would reveal to him that they are boyfriends. He had just told him that they are pack and live together. He hadn’t wanted it to get too much for him. Liam already has to process a lot and their relationship isn't the first priority right now. Though, deep down Theo knows that he is just deceiving himself by pretending that telling him about it sometime later would be better. But he ignores that thought, pushes it to the corner of his mind, where his emotions are already revolting.

Due to being a werewolf Liam's body had recovered really fast. He is still weak and so Theo had had to steady him when he had gotten out of bed and had taken his first few steps. The chimera had practically carried him to the car and heaved him into the passenger seat. And then they had taken off, heading home. The drive had been really awkward. Neither of them had known what to talk about and so they had sat there in an uncomfortable silence. The song on the radio and the tires on the road had been the only sounds that could be heard. Until Liam had cleared his throat and tried to make small talk, but he had failed miserably. Theo had grinned at his attempt. Apparently not even losing his memories had made him better at it. And at the same time, Theo had felt the strings around his chest tightening even more. 

And now they are standing in front of the entrance of their home. Only the door separates Theo from the worst conversation he will ever have in his life. Maybe not the worst, but it is high on his list of conversations he doesn’t want to have. Jenna doesn’t deserve this. She deserves the world. Telling her that there is the possibility that she might lose her son, or not get him back, is even worse than going back to hell and getting his heart ripped out over and over again. Compared to what would follow now it sounded like a vacation.

The moment comes faster than expected when Jenna opens the door to let them in. Her lips break into a wide smile that makes her look like the humanization of the sun. The smile probably is heritable because Theo has seen it on Liam's face so many times already. It always makes his blue eyes shine with either excitement, joy or just happiness. Theo loves when he can read Liam's emotions in his eyes. He loves the way they change their colors from a lighter to a darker shade of blue. Sometimes they even mix and swirl around and then they look like the ocean before a storm. Theo can really get lost in them, has gotten lost in them several times already.

Jenna brings him back to reality and down from cloud nine when she greets them happily and tells them that the food is in the fridge if they are hungry.  _ "As always, the caring mother," _ Theo thinks and grins to himself. He slips out off his shoes and hangs his jacket on the coat stand. Then he glances over to Liam who looks like he would rather be somewhere else. The beta shifts uncomfortably and his lips are curled into a shy smile. 

"Everything okay, Sweetheart?" Jenna asks while she put a hand on Liam's back which causes the beta to cringe.

Theo saves Liam by grabbing Jenna's wrist and pulling her towards the kitchen even though he knows that Liam can hear them anyway. Then he let go of her wrist and looks at her apologetically.

Her disapproving look doesn’t help the slightest to calm Theo down. His hands are sweaty and trembling, and his heart beat a little faster than usual. But she has to know and so he tells her. Tells her everything. He starts by telling her from the mission they had been on, the moment Liam had gotten shot, how they almost had lost him, Liam's post-traumatic amnesia, and ended with the moment when they had been standing on the front porch. Jenna is listening to him the whole time, never interrupting him, nodding understandingly. But Theo can see tears glistening in the corners of her eyes which she strongly tries to hold back. And when he finishes, she takes a step forward, flinging her arms around him, embracing him into a tight hug. A hug, she knows both of them need more than ever now and Theo is holding onto her as if their lives are depending on it.

                          


 

Dinner is really weird. Liam still looks like he'd rather wanted to be somewhere else. He takes the food Jenna is offering him and murmurs something that sounds like a "Thank you", then he microwaves it before he takes a seat on the dinner table with Theo and Jenna. There is no conversation, everyone is sitting there in silence, munching on their food. After that, they are doing the dishes and go to bed.

Theo can hear Liam breathing steadily next door where he is laying in his bed, in his room. The bed in which they normally are sleeping in together. It has been their bed, but now it isn't anymore. Theo has taken the guest room. It has been already his room once. It feels like it’s been a lifetime ago, in another life without Liam by his side. Like it is now. There is no  _ we and they _ anymore, now there is only  _ Liam _ and  _ Theo _ separately. And Liam isn't even aware of it. He doesn't know. He doesn’t feel like something, someone, is missing. And Theo kind of hates him for it. Not because it is his fault but because he is jealous.

His sunshine has been taken away from him. And what is even worse was that it is still shining but not for him anymore. Liam is there. He can see him, touch him, but he can’t be with him. He misses him. He misses his warmth, his smile, his laugh, his bright blue eyes full of love and tenderness. And he really misses him right now. The bed is too hard, too cold without Liam by his side. He feels goosebumps covering his body- but not in the good kind of way, no, it is more like a cold winter breeze kissing your skin, leaving a thin layer of ice behind. The darkness in his mind threatens to drown him. He is afraid that the ground will break open again and that Tara’s hands will pull him back into hell where she awaits him to rip out his heart over and over again. And he knows that he would deserve it.

He had let everyone down. Tara, when he had betrayed her when he had stolen her heart, Liam when he couldn't protect him, the whole pack because they might lose their baby beta and Jenna who he didn't only let down but also had betrayed. He had promised her that he would protect Liam with his life. That he would never let anything happen to him. When Theo had told her that, she had just looked at him with her teary blue eyes, had taken his hands into her own, nodded so slowly and so understandingly and had breathed out a quiet "thank you". It had been the moment in which she had welcomed him to the family. When he had known that she would always have a place in his- his sister's- heart.

Theo hates himself for what he had done to all those people. The guilt and regret had become the strongest emotions after he had come back from hell. But then he had found Liam who had taught him all about love. How it was to love and be loved. And then just like that rays of sunshine had started to break through the dark clouds of guilt and regret. New emotions he hadn't had felt before became a part of him. Kindness, caring, joy, hope and most importantly love. Liam had caused all those emotions. But now the dark clouds are slowly starting to overcast the sky of his mind again and he  can hear Tara laughing, can hear the sound of his heart getting ripped out of his ribcage mercilessly, his sister claiming what had been hers all along. Like she had done in hell and like she still does in his nightmares. 

Liam had been anchoring him whenever he had had a nightmare. Until Theo began to have less to none. But the chimera knows that they will come back eventually, now that he had lost the only person that could prevent him from reliving his nightmares, his anchor. Theo doesn’t know how he could live without the warmth that had always covered his body at night. Without the touches that had made him feel like home whenever Liam held him in his strong arms. It hurts like hell knowing that the boy he loves so deeply is just next door but won’t come over to make him feel safe and secure again. Not in the next couple of days or weeks, maybe even years. 

So he has to deal with it on his own now like he had done before Liam had become such a big part of his life. But he knows that he can’t do it completely on his own, so he had stolen one of Liam's pillows while the beta had been in the bathroom. And now he is focusing on the so familiar scent with all his senses. 

Scenting it.

Looking at the pillow as if he could see Liam in it. As if he would hide behind it. As if he would still be there.

Listening. He doesn't really know to what though. Probably to the heartbeat in Liam's room, he guesses. The only thing that could calm him down right now.

Tasting the scent by putting his lips on the pillow and inhaling it. It almost tastes like Liam and it causes him to imagine his soft kisses on his lips.

Touching. The only thing he could touch is the pillow, hugging it closely to his chest. Holding onto it for dear life.

He grasps the pillow tight in his arms until he drifts off into a dreamless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks have passed since Liam had woken up and Theo is growing impatient. He wants Liam to remember him on his own but he can't wait so long. Not when he knows that there is a chance that he will never get his memories back. It isn't like he hasn't already thought about helping him to remember, actually, he can't think about anything else lately, but he also doesn't want to put Liam under any kind of pressure. The beta is still confused but he has started to become more comfortable with the whole situation, with living with strangers. Theo knows that it is partly because Liam has nowhere else to go and that the beta knows he’s safe there since everyone cares about him and just wants the best for him.

So Theo calls it progress. Better than none, right? That's at least what he is telling himself but his impatience still threatens to get the better of him. And so on a Monday morning, he decides that he has enough. He can't sleep without his little wolf anymore.

The nightmares are already coming back, lingering in the back of his mind, only waiting for their time to strike. They are just fragments of his time in hell but they become more evident with every night he is sleeping without his anchor next to him. And he is scared as hell- how ironic- that he will get dragged back to the dark place he had been in before Liam had shown him the bright sides of life.

Theo decides that this is the day on which he will start his mission. A ‘try to make Liam remember’ mission. The pack has agreed that it is time to start it; especially Mason is supporting his idea. Theo knows that Mason wants his best friend back as well, that he misses him terribly. And so they had figured out a plan for Liam to remember which is involving places and stories that could trigger his memories. 

They had thought that starting with the basics would be a good idea. Since Liam being home hadn't helped, they had decided to go to school, the most basic thing in a teenager's life.

 

      


 

"So, this is where we go to school?" Liam asks, gesticulating towards the building in front of them.

Mason chuckles and shakes his head. "Obviously"

"Cool... I guess," the Beta says, a slight frown on his forehead.

Mason and Theo share a look before they break out into laughter. Liam's frown deepens and he looks like a kicked puppy. Theo finds it adorable. His fingertips are prickling with the need to touch him, he wants to hug him and protect him from the whole world. But he doesn't dare, not when Liam still doesn’t remember.

When the laughter ceases Theo explains, "You don't like school, little- Liam." The chimera is surprised by his own slip-up. He had tried so hard for the past two weeks not to use pet names, to always call him Liam. He sends a prayer to the gods he doesn't believe in that Liam didn’t hear it.

Apparently, he hasn't because the beta just shrugs his shoulders before he says, "Oh, I know."

Mason looks at him with wide eyes. "You know? As in you remember it?" The dark-skinned boy demands to know, amazement clear in his voice.

"No, I’ve just figured that no one likes school," Liam replies dryly, shrugging his shoulders once again.

To Theo, the past two weeks had come across as if the beta didn’t even want to get his memories back. When they had hinted to something that had happened in the past, Liam had always listened but he also looked like he was disinterested in what they had told him. The beta couldn’t fool Theo though, maybe everyone else but certainly not him. He could see right through the mask that Liam had clearly put on and what he sees is a scared and vulnerable boy who isn’t able to find his place in this world anymore. 

Theo knows the signs. He not only can tell so well because he loves Liam and knows him better than anyone else but also because he can relate so much. He had done the exact same thing for the most part of his life. Sometimes he still catches himself doing it, putting his guards up as some kind of defense mode, so that no one can see who he truly is inside. Yet he had put his guards down for Liam. He had shown him his true self, his true colors and Liam had fallen in love with the person he really was.

And now it is Liam’s turn to put his own walls down, to let the memories come back to him. Maybe he is afraid, but Theo doesn’t know of what he could possibly be scared of. Nothing comes to his mind at least, no matter how hard he thinks about it. The chimera is only aware of his own fear which is gripping at his heart squeezing it every day a little more, the fear of losing Liam forever. But his own concern doesn’t help him to figure out why Liam seems to be so reluctant to remember. Why has he put his guards up? There are so many questions he isn’t able to find an answer to and it is driving him insane. All of these questions have been nagging at him for the past two weeks. And all the answers he had come up with are frightening him to the core. What if Liam doesn’t want to remember and that’s why he doesn’t even try? That one is the most scaring possibility he had come up with and he can only hope it isn’t true. But the feeling of dread in his chest makes him worry it could be the truth. If it really is like that, then they probably wouldn’t get Liam back. How could you possibly save someone who doesn’t want to be saved?

When Theo feels the emotions and negative thoughts slowly crawling back, poisoning his mind, he pushes them even deeper into the corner they had been in before, so that they almost become parts of the walls. And, honestly, he wouldn’t mind that. He has bigger problems than his stupid feelings that always seem to get in his way. He has a mission to concentrate on and to accomplish, there was no time to waste on his own state of mind.

“So, why are we here? School is over already,” Liam gestures around to prove his point. Then he tilts his head to the left where Theo is standing and locks eyes with him, silently asking for an explanation. The chimera is completely surprised by it. Two weeks ago he would have given no thought to their silent conversations but this is different. Liam doesn’t know that it is their thing, that Theo can read his mind by just looking at him. The chimera, however, doesn’t want to show that he got taken off guard, and so he tries to put on a natural face, his usual smirk planted on his face to hide the storm that is raging inside of him.

Theo shakes his head, “Not exactly. You’ll see. But first, we have to wait for Corey.” And as if he has summoned the boy with his words, he suddenly appears, placing a quick kiss on Mason’s lips. The jealousy immediately attacks Theo like needles, piercing through his broken heart, they are resting there, twisting and turning in the most agonizing way and sometimes they dig in even deeper. 

Sometimes he can barely keep going but he has to stay strong for Liam and just looking at him encourages him that all the pain he had to endure was worth it for the boy he loved. He glances over at Liam who seems to feel that his eyes are on him, he can see an almost longing expression lingering on the boys face. But Theo erases the thought as fast as it had come to his mind since it isn’t possible. Liam doesn’t feel this way about him anymore. And with the next heartbeat and a closer look, the expression is gone. The slight smile, that is part of his mask, is back on the beta’s face and Theo is so tired of seeing it. But after not being able to detect any emotions on Liam’s face or in his eyes for two weeks, this is a silver lining for him.  It is a good sign, maybe they are starting to break through. But Theo still isn’t sure if he hasn’t just imagined it. 

“Hey guys. Sorry, I’m late but I had to get the keys first and you know how Coach is. I didn’t really have to beg but he still was suspicious,” Corey explains. Theo doesn’t know how he does it but the chameleon always manages to say everything so cheerfully. His good mood is really contagious, even Liam’s mask slips slightly when Corey is around. His smile even grows a little wider, as Theo can’t stop to notice. 

“The keys for what?” Liam asks curiously.

Mason and Corey exchange a look, having one of  _ their _ silent conversations. “You’ll see,” they say in unison and then they turn towards the school building, demanding for the others to follow them. Theo already knows where they are going but he still follows them through the building.

Eventually, they stop in front of the locker room. Corey unlocks the door with the keys Coach had given him before, holding it open for the others, so that they can go inside.

“Such a gentleman,” Mason says teasingly and Corey responds with a wink.

Theo coughs awkwardly to get everyone’s attention once they’re all gathered inside, and then all eyes turn to him. He continues by explaining the plans of the day to everyone even though Mason and Corey know them already. They had spent the past couple of days with plotting their so-called mission, after all. As soon as he has finished explaining everything, Corey and Liam change into their Lacrosse uniforms and Mason and Theo into the ones they had lent from other players on the team. They really had planned it all out.

Shortly after, the boys leave the locker room and head to the field. Lacrosse sticks and all the other essential stuff in their hands.

Mason and Theo have zero experience in playing lacrosse, they’ve only ever watched Corey and Liam from the bleachers during their games. They can’t play the sport to save their lives. They literally have no talent at all. The chameleon had shown them the basic techniques beforehand and it had looked so easy. However, the practical part is harder than it had looked like. The only thing that doesn’t let them come across as the biggest losers is that Liam also has no idea what he’s doing. While Corey runs over the field as if he belongs there, scoring over and over again, the newbies stumble over their own feet or even bump into each other.

The fact that it doesn’t take Liam much time until he figures out how to play is even more frustrating for Theo who is still struggling with the game. The beta really is a natural, becoming one with the sport in only a short amount of time. The chimera can’t fail to notice that Liam looks happy and carefree when he is running across the field, and that alone creates a warm feeling in his chest. Mesmerized, Theo is watching him performing art on the field, having a hard time to tear his eyes away from him.  

He is so distracted, that he almost doesn't see the ball flying in his direction. But his sharpened senses and reflexes- perks of being a chimera- save him from getting hit by it. So, he easily catches the ball with one hand, whirling around toward his attacker. Mason is grinning at him with a mischievous glint in his eyes. It’s obvious that the jerk had known about Theo’s distraction and that still hadn’t stopped him to throw the ball at him. “ _ Why am I friends with him again? _ “, Theo thinks, rolling his eyes at him before he throws the ball back to Mason and it hits the boy right in the middle of his chest, causing him to double over and gasp for air and cough at the same time. 

Theo doesn't even have time to be concerned about his friend because just a few seconds later Mason has recovered from the attack and starts laughing. “That was just rude, man,” he manages to bring out between laughing and coughing. “Werewolf strength is not allowed when you play lacrosse with a human,” Mason warns him with a playful grin.

Theo only shrugs and puts on his most innocent smile. “I don’t know what you’re talking about and who said that I’ve used werewolf strength,” he asks sweetly. The dark-skinned boy just shakes his head as a response.

The rest of the day is pretty uneventful, not completely though, because Liam gets back to his good old skilled self, resulting in everyone else not standing a change against him.  But there is a reason as to why Liam is the captain of the team. He’s very competitive and losing is high on his list of words he doesn't like. 

Scott had suggested to Coach Finstock that Liam should become captain after he graduated. And, surprisingly, Coach really had listened to him. Theo still isn't sure how Scott had convinced him but that isn’t important right now anyway. Liam will graduate soon, same as Mason, Corey, and Theo himself, and so he’ll have to choose a new captain himself not that far in the future.  Theo is pretty sure that he’ll suggest Nolan. The freckled boy is his co-captain already and they have grown closer over the last year.

Everyone is happy for them and they also are a really cute couple, like disgustingly cute; almost as bad as Mason and Corey. But Theo can’t blame them because he knows that Liam and he are no better. The other pack members are even making gagging noises from time to time when they are around them. Stiles in particular. 

He had found it kind of funny though whenever they had done it. Yet, now that they can’t be disgustingly cute anymore, Theo misses the mocking comments and even the noises. He misses being the adorable couple with Liam that everyone is annoyed by but also jealous of. He longs for the beta. The chimera longs for his warm smile, that reaches his bright blue eyes and lets them shine even brighter, for the warmth that always radiates off of his body and covers him like a blanket, for touching his toned skin that seems like it shines by itself. Liam’s whole body is just like the sun. He is Theo’s sunshine, his hope in dark times, the rays of light that are always forcing the dark clouds to open up for them. 

Theo also misses their proximity, but not only in the sexual kind of way- he isn’t that frustrated-, no, he desires to hold Liam in his arms, to cuddle with him, just making sure he knows that Theo will always be there for him. He desires to kiss him, to watch him sleep. He even wishes he could just look at him in the way he wants to- sure, there are stolen glances from time to time but they just aren’t enough. Liam is so close but yet so far away and it hurts. It’s like there is a huge gap between them that is keeping them apart until he can’t reach him anymore. Theo is craving desperately for the safety and comfort Liam always gives him at night. 

He misses everything that he can’t have anymore and he knows all too well that it’s all his own fault. He’s the one who hadn’t been able to protect the shorter boy. He had been the one who had been distracted and hadn’t seen the hunter aiming at him. And this is his punishment, the same as hell had been once, but this time everything is real and the pain is so much worse. It’s crawling over his skin, leaving torturing goosebumps whenever it touches. The agony is breaking through the surface of his skin and slyly creeping its way through his muscles until it finds his bones, digging into them until they crack open and the pain can sink in, filling the broken spaces, so that they can’t heal. 

Theo is hurting so much but all of this is nothing compared to what the pain is doing to his already fragile heart after all these years of suffering. There are healed parts, scars, and then there are parts with open flesh, the ones that will never heal. The pain engulfs him completely and mercilessly attacks exactly these parts since it knows that it hurts most. It feels like getting stabbed by needles that are piercing into his flesh over and over again, like the cruelest acupuncture ever. 

And he tries so hard to let the pain not get to him, pushes it into the dark corner, but all of his attempts fail. Especially at night when he’s on his own, alone, lonely and vulnerable. Then, he suffers the most and it’s tearing him apart.

“Hey man, didn’t you hear me? We need to shower and put on fresh clothes,” Mason puts a hand on his shoulder, causing him to jump, but also bringing him back from his dark place, as Liam always calls it- had called it.

Theo nods slightly and grimaces when he sees the concerned look on the other boys face. “Yeah, sorry, I was just… thinking,” he explains quietly, his own voice still seems so far away.

Mason’s concerned expression changes into an empathetic one. “You know, you can talk to me or Corey or anyone of the pack if you want to. We’re there for you. And we will get Liam back. I need him to come back to us. I miss him so much,” Mason says determinedly.

“How can you be so sure that we will get him back?” Theo asks his tone harder than he has intended it to be. So, he curls his lips up into something that is meant to be a slight smile to make up for it.

“To be honest, I’m not. But speaking out of pure experience we always find a solution,” Mason reassures him. And Theo knows that it’s true. They always had found a way to deal with their problems, and they will this time again. They won’t lose hope. They simply can’t. 

 

 

They haven’t triggered any memories yet but at least Liam has found his love for lacrosse again. It is only a small progress but it’s a start. 

After they had showered and changed into fresh clothes, they had driven back home to eat dinner together with Jenna. It had been delicious as always. There’s really nothing that this woman is bad at. Sometimes Theo doubts that she’s actually human, she’s just too good for this world to be even real. Maybe she’s a goddess who got sent to earth to make everyone’s lives better. Theo admires how strong she is and how good she is at dealing with her son’s memory loss. She always seems so collected and considerate, even though she probably is hurting inside as much as he is but unlike him, she copes with the given situation a lot better than he ever could.

After they had helped Jenna doing the dishes, the boys had said their goodnights and had gone to bed, Liam to his room and Theo to the guest room. 

The chimera still isn’t used to sleeping in a separate bed, in a different room, and without Liam. He still needs one of Liam’s pillows to calm himself, which he changes every few days because the scent is slowly fading away and is getting covered by his own. He knows he can’t sleep without the beta's scent, Liam’s absence alone is tearing him apart already. Theo knows he is just in the room next door, but it isn’t the same. He’s not here with him. He isn’t able to feel or touch him. He is starving for the shorter boys affection and with every night without him, he feels a little more lost. Lost in a dark place where the light couldn’t find him again.

Theo always tries to remind himself that it is only temporary.  _ It’s only until Liam’s memories will come back _ , that’s what he tells himself, trying to convince himself that it will be soon, that Liam will remember soon. But the nagging feeling in his mind still remains, telling him that there is also the chance that he won’t regain his memories and it’s so overwhelming that it drags him under mercilessly.

This night is even worse than all the other nights before because this time he really has a nightmare. Not only fragments of his time in hell, no, he has the whole experience. As usual, it starts in the morgue where he wakes up in one of the drawers. He gets out of there knowing that waiting for his sister to open the door, so that she can pull him out of it, is even worse than everything else. The chimera already knows the drill and so he is perfectly aware of the fact that running away won’t save him, same as begging for his life. He can’t escape, can’t survive. And before he has the chance to even decide what to do next, he can already hear Tara approaching him, calling out his name with her low and frightening voice. He feels a harsh shiver running down his spine, goosebumps are covering his body as the hair on his arms are erecting. 

It always happens when she’s near him. He can already hear her crawling over the floor to get to him and then, suddenly, she’s right in front of him. She’s always looking the same with her damp hair, sticking to her face, the gaping hole in her ribcage where her heart is supposed to be, and the still wet face. But the most frightening is her murderous look and her merciless grip around his- her- heart when she finally rips it out. 

And that’s exactly what will follow. She clasps his ankle and pulls at it so roughly, that he loses his balance and falls to the ground. Then she crawls over him to get a good access to his chest before her dead eyes lock with his. As always, his last words before she takes her heart back from him are:  _ “It’s okay. You don’t have to stop.” _  And the last thing he sees is his- her- heart pumping in her hand, blood dripping to the floor and her satisfied expression before everything went black.

Suddenly, he bolts up in bed, wide awake. The loud hammering of his heartbeat against his chest and it’s thrumming in his ears are everything he concentrates on. It’s the assurance that it’s still there, that he isn’t back in hell, that it has only been a dream. Though, his heart feels like it might burst out of his chest with every new heartbeat. His blood is rushing through his veins to get to his too fast beating heart, making him feel dizzy due to the adrenaline that’s pumping through his body. His chest is rising and falling uncontrollably and feels awfully tight, too tight. There’s too much air, and at the same time not enough in his lungs due to his uncontrolled and heavy breathing.

He tries to steady everything, his breathing, his heartbeat, even the speed with which his blood is rushing through his veins. Theo focuses his hearing on the steady heartbeat next door. On the heartbeat of his anchor. On the boy with the almost surreal, but so incredibly bright blue eyes. On the love of his life.

A picture of Liam comes to his mind, one he will never forget. It had been last summer. They had done some kind of road trip. It had been a short one, just for a couple of days. They had driven over to the coast with Theo’s truck. They hadn’t been long together back then, but when Theo had looked at Liam sitting next to him in the passenger seat he had known that they were meant to be. 

He had watched Liam looking out of the opened window. He had been fascinated by his whole appearance, the way the wind had danced through his hair, making it messy. It had made him look so adorable and so young, his light rosy cheeks caused by the heat, and the glistening bright blue eyes capturing the sunshine so perfectly, the carefree and peaceful expression on his face were turning him into the most beautiful sight Theo had ever seen. Liam’s rosy lips had been curled up into an easy smile. It had been breathtaking and it still is when he is thinking back at the magical moment that is imprinted in his mind forever, and exactly this memory, this picture flashing in front of his mind’s eye, helps him to calm down. It’s anchoring him. Liam is anchoring him as he had done so many times before.

Theo can finally concentrate on his surroundings. He can smell the cold sweat even before he feels it on his body. The sting smell hits his nostrils, causing him to wrinkle his nose. Then he feels it, his clothes are drenched and stick to his body like a second skin. The chill breeze that’s coming through his open window causes him to shiver. He definitely needs to take a hot shower before they’ll go to school later. The alarm on the nightstand tells him that it’s only four in the morning, but he knows that he can’t go back to sleep after the nightmare, he can’t handle another one. Coffee will be his savior today, as it has been a lot of times before. He doesn’t even know how to survive the day without caffeine keeping him awake anymore.

He stretches off his clothes before throwing them into the hamper. Then he is heading to the bathroom, trying to avoid his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He already knows how miserable he is looking; he doesn’t need to see it too. He steps into the shower, turns on the water and lets it wash over his skin. The steady steam coming out of the showerhead that is cleaning him has something soothing. He felt some kind of relief as all the evidence of his terror is washed away completely.

The chimera tries to clear his mind. In moments like this, he is feeling the most vulnerable. He is so tired of pretending that he is okay, of pushing everything into the corner. He can’t lie to himself anymore, at least not for such a long period of time. And so he welcomes everything, all the emotions, the memories of the past two weeks, and most importantly his fear. His fear to lose Liam. Every time he looks into the boy’s blank face, looks at the mask he has put on, his heart breaks, even more, threatening to shatter into little pieces. He is tired of trying to search for any signs of emotion, like hurt or longing, of trying to look right through him. He still hasn’t completely figured out why Liam seems to be so scared of showing emotions. Is he scared of remembering? Scared that his memories might overwhelm him? Theo doesn’t know the reason but he knows what he is scared of himself.

He is terribly frightened to lose his sunshine who had always managed to light up his life, even on his darkest days. What if Liam wouldn’t remember and he would end up being stuck in his dark place again? And this time he wouldn’t be able to escape it. How could he, when there was nothing anymore worth escaping for? 

Theo is so focused on his thoughts, that he doesn’t even notice the tears running down his face until he tastes their saltiness on his tongue. And in this moment of weakness, he doesn’t even care that he’s crying. He welcomes it like everything else he has tried so hard to push away, avoiding to let it get to him. Theo is all alone. No one can see him crying and no one can judge him because of it.

 

 

Shortly after he has finished showering - or more like drowning in his misery- he dries himself off with a towel and puts on fresh boxers and a comfy shirt before he goes back to bed. He realizes too late that his bedsheets are smelling like dried sweat and fear. The strong smell hits his nostrils and practically hurts due to what it reminds him of, what he had tried to leave behind in the shower, what he had tried to wash away. 

There is no other choice than to change them, he is in no state of mind to bear the terrifying smell any longer. He is throwing the evidence of his pathetic moment of weakness into the hamper, where he had put his clothes before, as well. Theo even has to throw the pillowcase of Liam’s cushion in there because his own scent is overpowering his little wolf’s one. He would need to sneak into the beta's room and steal a new one as soon as he can, even though he knows all too well there is a high chance that Liam would realize one day that his pillowcases are vanishing occasionally. But he doesn’t really care about that. Not when they are everything that he has left and they are the only thing that can keep him sane when he’s on the verge of breaking down. When he isn’t able to have his warm body next to him, then he needs at least something with his scent on it, something he could breathe in, in order to distract himself from his painful thoughts that keep pestering him every minute.

When he has finally changed the sheets and has fallen back into bed it is already half past five. How long had he been in the shower? He had lost track of time in there, had forgotten about the world around him, had been completely zoned out. It had been his escape, his way out. Just for a short period of time, he could let out all of the things that were always threatening to drown him. Ironically, he had tried to wash these things away, wash reality away. He had allowed himself this moment of weakness. He had needed it, deserved it. But it had been wasted time, wasted tears. How could crying over it or trying to wash away his misery help him? It doesn’t change reality, doesn’t bring him his sunshine back to light up his darkest hours which were in a desperate need of a few rays of light.

The only thing he can do now is to follow the plan they had come up with.  _ Follow the plan and get Liam back,  _ that’s what Scott had told them when they had facetimed and Theo could do nothing but listen to his alphas orders. He always feels the urge to please Scott since they had created the bond since he had become one of Scott’s betas. It had taken some time until Theo had gained back his trust which was completely understandable. He hadn’t even expected to be trusted ever again. To be honest, he wouldn’t have trusted himself after what he had done to Scott’s pack. He had manipulated Liam into almost killing Scott, into betraying his alpha. How could someone ever trust him again after what he had done? 

But apparently Liam, Scott and the rest of the pack- except for Malia who still has her doubts- are trusting him again. They have welcomed him into their pack after all. He still feels like he has to make up for his past. Theo has changed since he had come back from hell. The guilt and regret had made him another person, same as finding love and people who care about him. He has promised himself to use every day to prove to the rest of the pack and himself that he has changed, that he is worth their trust. And luckily he has a whole lifetime to do so.

He had never been much of a pack animal. He had been an omega due to living with the dread doctors. But now that he knows what it is like to be a part of a pack, to have a family, he doesn’t want to be an omega ever again. The bond is what is holding them together. It is what makes them pack. He can feel their connection running through his veins. It doesn’t feel like something forced through a bond by blood, no, they are pack by choice. They can always depend on each other and are being there for each other. Even when most of the pack is spread all over the world, they know that if there was a threat or they needed help, they could always count on a pack member to be there for them.

The first time Theo had been to one of their meetings had been really awkward. He had felt like an intruder, like he didn’t belong there. He had barely spoken to someone. Had only listened to what Scott had told them. Had observed how they all had acted around each other, how they had behaved. He had been fascinated by their closeness, by all the light touches they had exchanged from time to time. Softness and comfort are really important for a pack, apparently, and Theo had had all of this with Liam; proximity, soft touches, comfort, dependability, desire, and devotion.

And now everything is gone. Now, he is laying in his too hard bed with sheets that are smelling all wrong, a combination of citrus and Theo’s scent. It is not what he wants, not what he is craving for. He is craving for Liam, his earthy and sweet scent that is causing butterflies to churn in his stomach, flying up to his chest to settle there with their warmth and cover his never completely healed heart, whenever it hits his nostrils and fills his lungs.

Theo is starving for this, for Liam, the emotions he causes him to feel and everything else. The werewolf and coyote in him are restless. They are searching for their missing mate. The mate they have lost without even having bonded in the first place yet. But let alone the possibility, that they would never be able to find him again, could never seal the bond, is driving them crazy. Theo wants to run, not run away, just doing a full shift and run through the woods. He wants to feel the forest ground under his paws, the wind tingling in his fur that almost feels like Liam’s hands softly caressing it, and to listen to the peaceful sounds of the forest life. The animals in him have a need and he can’t give it to them, but at least he can do something. He can let them loose; give them some control, so that he can forget about reality just for a short amount of time like he has already done in the shower before.

Theo checks the time once again. The alarm reads six o’clock. There is still some time left until he has to get ready for school. He decides to go for a quick run. He needs this, even more importantly, his animals need this. He needs to clear his mind and loose some of the tension.


	3. Chapter 3

“So, what classes do you guys have now?” Liam asks curiously, looking between the three boys standing around him, arching an eyebrow in question.

Corey who is currently taking books out of his locker, turns around to point at a classroom down the hall. “Theo and I have English now, in the room over there,” he tells Liam who nods as an answer.

The beta turned his body to where Theo is leaning against the lockers to look at him. “And why are you in the same grade as we again? I mean, you’re definitely too old for school,” he requests to know.

Theo furrows his brows. “Was this supposed to be an insult? Because I feel kinda offended. But to answer your question, yes, I’m almost two years older than all of you. I couldn’t go to school when I was away and so I have to catch up now. That’s why we’re in the same grade and why we're going to graduate together,” the chimera explains, his tone a little too annoyed to be considered normal or nice. But who can blame him? It isn’t the first time that Theo has told Liam about it. It’s almost like he also got a little dumber with the loss of his memories. Theo wouldn’t even be surprised when this really was the case.

Liam seems to be oblivious to his annoyance because he doesn't mind to ask another question, actually, several questions, “Why have you been away? Where have you been? Have you traveled or moved? Taken a gap year? Is it possible to take a gap year when you’re still in school?” He babbles away, an innocent and pure smile tugging on his lips. It makes him look so young and it is one of the first emotions Liam had shown in a while. His mask has slipped for just a second, in one heartbeat, in one blink of an eye, but Theo has seen it. But now his blank expression is back, his mask and his guards back up again.

Suddenly, he snaps out of his daydream, catching himself staring at the beta. And then he remembers that he has gotten asked several questions and that Liam is waiting for answers to them. Though, all those questions are scaring Theo like shit. He doesn't want to reply to them. He doesn't want to tell him about his time in hell. Not yet. They are not there yet. First, they have to stick to the plan and then they can go into details about Liam’s and Theo’s story. That’s also why he hasn’t told them about their actual relationship status. Scott has said that it might be better to do so and Theo knows that he is right. He will wait until the right moment comes to tell him. 

Fortunately, he doesn't have to worry about lying to Liam anymore because the school bell rings, saving him from answering the questions directed at him and telling them it is time to go to class.

Mason puts his books into his backpack before he grasps Liam’s arm to pull him towards the chemistry room. He informs him that they are in chemistry together and they will meet the others later again. Liam looks back to the others over his shoulder waving, the corners of his lips curl up into a slight smile. Theo gives him a last longing look before he follows Corey to their class.  

 

  


 

Theo can’t concentrate on class. Normally, he likes English, especially reading and writing. But today his thoughts keep drifting away to the blue-eyed boy who is currently sitting in the chemistry room. His longing is stronger than ever before, even stronger than it had been before they had been together or when one of them had been away for a while, due to missions and investigations. 

To distract himself, he is looking up articles on post-traumatic amnesia on the internet which are telling him that there are two types of it. One in which the person doesn’t remember events that have happened shortly before the injury and another one in which the person couldn’t create new memories after the injury had taken place. 

But that doesn’t make any sense at all because Liam also can't recall old memories and not only events shortly before he had gotten shot. It is like his boyfriend has an advanced form of post-traumatic amnesia.  _ Wow, of all people out there, of course, it has to be Liam, as if he hasn’t suffered enough already.  _

Theo feels the anger boiling up in his veins. His animals want to lash out, want control. He licks over his front teeth with his tongue to check if he can feel his fangs already, but there are none, just his human teeth. But he is losing control and the werewolf and coyote are slowly taking over. He had been convinced that the run this morning had been enough to help him to restrain them but apparently it hadn’t been.

He hopes that his eyes are still green when he is abruptly standing up from his chair, almost knocking it over in the process, before he excuses himself for the bathroom and sprints out of the classroom hurriedly.  In the hallway, he immediately leans against the lockers to steady himself. Suddenly, he feels a firm grip around his arm. He doesn’t need to look up to see that it is Corey. He recognizes him by his scent, lavender and earthy, but it is almost completely covered by the tainting smell of concern and pity Corey is reeking of. He hates to be the cause of said feelings. Why do they care anyway? He isn’t worth it. He has let them down. Once again, he is the one who had betrayed them. They had trusted him, that he could protect Liam and he had failed, breaking the trust they had put in him. He doesn’t understand why they still care. Why Corey is still caring about him. It doesn’t make any sense.

Suddenly, he feels his fangs on his lower lip, digging into it, causing blood that he licks away with his tongue, but he knows that Corey has already smelled it. He can’t hide his lack of control at this moment. He isn’t able to, no matter how hard he tries. The chameleon doesn’t need to be an expert to see that something is wrong, he can read him like an open book. He doesn't even need to analyze his chemosignals. Corey could see fear written all over Theo’s face, the yellow eyes and the fangs a display of his inner turmoil. 

But due to his heightened senses, he can also smell all of his emotions, the fear, the anger, the hopelessness, the loneliness, the longing, just everything. And he can hear his racing heartbeat, probably even Liam is able to hear it in the chemistry room and that thought is the most frightening one. He doesn’t want his little wolf to know that he is losing control right now. Even though Liam probably doesn’t care, he still doesn’t need to know.

The grip around his arm tightens and suddenly Theo comes to the realization, that he is about to lose his balance. He feels his legs giving out underneath him and his body would have probably hit the ground like a sack if Corey hadn’t grabbed his other arm as well to steady him. Now, Theo is sitting against the lockers with his back, Corey next to him with one arm resting around his shoulder. The warmth that is radiating off of the chameleon’s body causes Theo to snuggle deeper into his best friend’s side, desperately searching for comfort there. He feels Corey’s eyes on him and he’s still smelling the concern and the pity, even stronger now, but he doesn’t care. This is Corey, his best friend, and he allows himself to be vulnerable around him. He knows, he won’t judge him. He is doing exactly what the chimera needs. He is comforting him and giving him a shoulder to cry on, and Theo has never been more grateful to have him in his life. The boy lets his tears fall freely, lets the sobs out that have been so thick in his throat, they almost have burned, and he buries his face that is full of evidence of his weakness in Corey’s neck. He is hiding it there so that only Corey knows about it. It’s like a secret between both of them. Corey is stroking over Theo’s shoulder and back in a soothing gesture like it is the promise to keep the secret. 

 

 

The rest of the day is uneventful. Theo has managed to keep his animals in check with the help of Corey. He is trying with every cell in his body to cope with their restlessness. It is a fight over dominance and he feels like he will lose it like he has to surrender. But then Liam shows up during lunch and he immediately feels more at ease with them. Apparently, they capitulate the moment they have sensed their better part. His animals know even better than Theo himself that Liam is going to be their future mate. They have already decided on it a long time ago, probably even before Theo had fallen in love with Liam.

The beta doesn’t talk much during lunch, though his presence alone is enough to give Theo new energy for the rest of the day. He also doesn’t comment on his swollen, puffy eyes and the dried tears he can probably still smell on him. The only thing he does is giving him the ghost of an encouraging smile and something that is probably meant to be a nudge on the shoulder, but Theo appreciates it, takes every reaction he gets. Sure, it has only been a small gesture, a brief brush of Liam's hands on his shoulder but it means everything to him. He would even call it a process because Liam isn't one of those people who are touching strangers or people they barely know. For a moment, Theo is even still able to feel the lingering touch before it is starting to fade away slowly and his animals are mourning the loss of contact.

Unbeknownst to him what kind of effect he has on the chimera, Liam goes back to eating his sandwich. The blank face back, but something is sparkling in his eyes and Theo recognizes it immediately. He had seen it in the beta’s eyes many times before. Empathy. Liam is feeling empathy for him and it doesn’t make Theo flinch, because it is completely different from the pity other people are always taking on him. This is a feeling he can deal with, it is a feeling for which he won’t need to come up with an explanation for because no one asked why someone feels empathy. And most importantly he doesn’t have to blame himself for causing such an emotion.

A slight smile tugs on his lips and he knows that this time, it is even reaching his eyes, something that is really rare lately. He is sure now, more than ever before, that his sunshine isn’t gone. It is just not visible right now. It is covered by clouds and fog but behind all of that, the sun is still shining as bright as it always had been. He just needs to find a way to clear the sky again.

 

 

The rest of the week has been pretty normal- as normal as their lives can possibly be. They have gone to school and Theo is genuinely surprised how well Liam does there. Despite losing his memories and therefore also some academic knowledge, he’s doing a good job at trying to catch up. Liam is even taking notes, paying attention and participating in class. All of them have to admit that they are shook by this big change. Apparently, the loss of memories has at least one perk. Theo doesn’t want to sound selfish but he’d rather have the old Liam back whose grades had been average instead of this stranger, who’s pretty good in keeping up with every class, taking his place.  To be honest, he doesn’t even care that he is being selfish to think that. He just wants his Liam back.

But then the weekend comes and with it a full moon. Liam’s first one after the accident and Theo is scared shitless. He and the rest of the pack had talked about it when they had planned their ‘getting Liam’s memories back’ mission and so he knows exactly what to do with an anchorless werewolf - at least, for now, anchorless-  and he knows Liam well enough to expect the worst. Stiles had suggested that they could chain him to a tree as they already had done in the past. He had suggested that it would probably help to keep him under control. Or in other words, to keep other people safe. 

Mason had been the only one who hadn’t agreed on the idea. In his opinion, it was not safe enough because Liam could still escape. He had told Theo about the one time where Liam had been running through the streets naked. The chimera had cackled for a whole day because picturing it alone had made it even better and so the image hadn’t stopped popping up in front of his inner eye. He had wanted to tease Liam for doing it, but obviously, it hadn’t been an option. Because how was he supposed to tease him for something he couldn’t even remember doing in the first place?

Another idea, Malia’s to be exact, had been to chain Liam up in a basement like Stiles had done with her once. However, no one’s basement was sound-insulated enough, so that the neighbors wouldn’t call the police. Therefore, the idea had gotten canceled immediately for obvious reasons.

Since they don’t really have any other options than the ones mentioned, they are sticking to Stiles’ plan despite Mason’s approval. Even though Stiles and Theo are on good terms now and have become something like friends, Theo is still surprised that they want to implement his plan. Everyone knows that Stiles is smart but a few of his plans hadn’t turned out as they had been originally intended to be. It’s true that his plans are well-thought-out most of the time but they certainly aren’t backfire-proof. 

But even though he had his doubts, they still end up somewhere in the preserve on a Saturday night. Corey and Mason had offered to help Theo with it and Liam hadn’t even been asked if he wanted to do it. Actually, they hadn’t told him what they were planning on doing at all. They know, that Liam had already been feeling the full moon throughout the day, its intensity with every fiber of his body. Theo knows that the beta’s werewolf is lurking right under the surface, threatening to break through and going berserk any moment.

Theo remembers how his own first full moon had been, how out of control he had been. Though, he hadn’t had any support. He had been on his own, had been an omega for a long time. But he had easily learned to control his animals. He simply had had to. The Dread Doctors would have disapproved and called him a failure if he hadn’t kept them in check.

Liam has other people though. He isn't alone. He has a pack that supports him, one that is there for him no matter what. Most of them aren't around anymore but a few people have stayed in Beacon Hills. The puppy pack as some of the older members are calling them. Stiles has come up with the name, more to tease them though. But it is actually really fitting. 

The boys walk through the woods for a while, so that they are far away from any kind of civilization and the roads. It wouldn’t be fun if Liam escaped and would be running into some people’s garden or even worse, running across the road and getting hit by a car. 

It isn’t like Corey and Theo wouldn’t have enough strength to stop him, but they just don’t want to take any risks. Mason is there as some kind of emotional support. Liam can’t remember him but maybe his wolf will be able to. Maybe there is still some sort of connection between them. Besides, the dark-skinned boy has insisted on joining them. He is pretty stubborn and they are sure, that he would have followed them anyway, even if they had forbidden him to come along with them.

Eventually, they decide that they have walked deep enough into the forest and that it’s now time to drop the bombshell on Liam. Not in a very sensitive way through. “We will chain you to a tree now,” Corey blurts out, cutting straight to the chase, using the sledgehammer approach. 

Liam is dumbfounded, his whole expression telling them so. Theo doesn’t even have to search for any emotion as he normally has to, because the confusion is practically written all over his face.  “You want what? Why?” Liam asks exasperatedly, the anger that is boiling up inside of him is clear in his tone. They know that the beta’s anger issues are even more intense on a full moon, but Liam doesn’t know that. He isn’t aware that he could turn into a ticking time bomb soon. He couldn’t remember.

“Look up. There is a full moon tonight. You have no control and we can’t risk people getting hurt,” Theo explains calmly, pointing to the bright moon above them on the starlit sky that lightens up the dark night. The trees and bushes, even the leaves on the ground, are covered in its luminous glow, making it look magical. The darkness seems like it is holding a lot of secrets, but the bright moonlight and stars are revealing them, showing that there is nothing to be afraid of. 

The night is comparable to Liam and Theo. On the outside, Theo seems like the thug guy with a hard shell but then Liam had come into his life and his light had shown the pack that there was nothing to be afraid of, that he had changed. Theo had entrusted his secrets to the beta. He had opened up to him, had bathed in Liam’s light. The dark blanket he had wrapped around himself throughout the years slowly getting pulled away and his true self had come to the surface.  At first, he had felt naked and vulnerable but then he had gotten more comfortable with opening up to people throughout time.

“It will be fine. We’re all here to support you, to help you with your anger and your wolf,” Mason adds, an encouraging smile tugged on his lips.

Liam furrows his eyebrows, clearly not amused by that prospect. “How could you possibly help me and why do you think that I will agree on chaining me up to a tree?”

Theo steps from one foot to the other, the uncomfortableness settling inside of him. This is the part of the plan that he doesn’t like because he doesn’t want to hurt his little wolf. He doesn’t want to force anything on him but sadly it doesn’t seem as if he has another choice. They have to keep Liam under control, so he wouldn’t try to run away and cause a havoc, so chaining him up is pretty much inevitable. They need to keep Liam and the citizens of Beacon Hills safe. In the past, they had had too many problems with them already. They don’t want to be seen as the enemy and they definitely don’t need any more hunters in their town. They are so close to defeating Monroe and causing a commotion wouldn’t help with it.

“I hate to say this but if you don’t agree, then we will chain you to the tree anyway. I know, that we’re forcing this on you but we’re your friends and we just want to help you. We don’t want to hurt you,” Corey eventually speaks up, his voice calm and clear. He knows that he would make Liam only angrier if he would raise his voice and there is definitely no need to provoke that.

Liam looks down to his feet, staring at them for what feels like an eternity before he glances up again. His eyes immediately search for Theo’s. It’s like a reflex or the most natural thing to do for him. He does it out of pure instinct because it just feels right. They lock eyes as soon as blue has found green. Theo gets lost in the ocean blue eyes for a moment, drowning in their beauty. They always seem like they want to capture the person who is looking into them and then keep them forever under their spell and to be honest, Theo wouldn’t mind it at all. Actually, he already is under their charm.

“Okay, we will do it then,” Liam accepts, nodding slightly after they have looked at each other for a while. It’s like someone suddenly has flipped a switch, changing Liam’s reluctant demeanor towards the prospect of getting chained to a tree completely.

Ten minutes later, the beta is chained to the trunk of one of the trees that are surrounding them. The boys have made sure that the chains aren’t too tight around Liam so that he is still able to breathe, but they also aren’t too loose because they still need to restrain him from lashing out and keep him from escaping.

Liam doesn’t look comfortable at all. His wolf definitely isn’t pleased with getting chained up. It is craving for control and the blue-eyed boy doesn’t have enough experience to deny it access to the surface. 

Liam’s eyes are changing from his ocean blue ones to the glowing yellow ones of his wolf. His claws come out and leave scratches on the bark of the tree he was chained to as he buries them into it. Apparently, the boy’s wolf needs something to hold on to, searches for the anchor Liam has lost, but it is helpless, confused and disoriented. The fangs are piercing into the beta’s lower lip and are drawing blood. The metallic smell of it is hanging thick in the air but it is already gone again with the next breeze that flies by. His, for a werewolf typical, facial hair is growing out and covering his defined jawline. 

The boy is scanning his surroundings with his wild eyes, sniffs the air, probably trying to find an escape. He pulls roughly at the chains but nothing, aside from them rattling, happens. They are holding him in place as they are meant to do. Liam tries to free his arms but this doesn’t work either. He is trapped there and he looks so lost, so utterly helpless that Theo has an awfully hard time to just stand by and watch. The beta glances up to the three boys standing in front of him and suddenly he is snapping at them with his fangs. All of them flinch away and Corey even pushes Mason behind him protectively, making sure that his boyfriend wouldn’t get hurt.

“Let me go!” Liam roars, still struggling with the chains around his body. However, there is also something pleading in his voice, the helplessness of both his human part and his wolf combined, and Theo can’t help but feel sorry for him. The chimera has lost his anchor too, though, he has learned a long time ago how to anchor himself, but Liam doesn’t know anything about it. The boy has lost his memories and is completely powerless, is, once again, new to all of this. Also, Theo hates seeing him suffer or struggle with something and he just wants to solve this problem and then take him into his loving arms to hide him away from all the bad things in the world. But he fights against his instincts that his animals are causing and stops in his tracks, watching Liam deal with it on his own even if it pains him to see the beta like that.

The night goes on, like being put on replay. Liam tries to escape repeatedly, roaring from time to time, demanding them to let him go, to free him, sometimes even begging them to do so. The boys, though, try to zone him out. They make conversation about everything and nothing, drinking the coffee Mason had brought and playing cards- because with what else could they spend their time in the woods at night with, exactly, not much.

Theo is incredibly relieved when the sun is slowly starting to crawl up the sky. The blue canvas is covered in the pink and orange streaks of the morning light that is shining on the leaves of the trees, letting the air around them appear in the same shades of colors. The chimera is fascinated by the sight. He couldn’t understand how people could possibly like the sunset better than the sunrise. For him personally, the light yellow blending in the almost pastel blue is one of the most beautiful displays nature has to offer.

Nature slowly awakes from its deep slumber at the same time Liam's wolf goes to sleep, wanting nothing more but to rest after the physically demanding full moon. It’s exhausted after a hellish night of restlessly searching and being out of control. The birds start singing and the light breeze ruffles the leaves on the ground around. Other forest noises like the wind that is playing in the leaves of the trees, animals that are searching for food and their steps on the ground are audible. The moon above them slowly starts fading and together with the rising sun, it is telling them about the start of a new day with new opportunities and hopes. 

Theo has to force himself to avert his eyes from the sky that he could watch for hours. But at the same time, he just wants everything to be over already, so that he can bring Liam home, assuring Jenna that everything is fine. The woman had called him three times that night and had sent him several messages, just to make sure that they were okay and that Liam wasn’t going wild. Theo had been surprised that he even had a signal so deep in the forest, but the universe seems to be always on Jenna’s side, at least most of the time. He wouldn’t call losing her son as being on her side. And it had been his fault because when had the universe ever been on his side? It isn’t like he had done anything to deserve its support but Jenna had. She is pure light, the brightest sunshine around.

Eventually, the sun is up and the moon has vanished completely. Liam has shifted back to his human form and is looking more exhausted than ever before. Theo almost jumps to his feet and walks over to him to free him from the chains. When he is done the beta almost collapses into his arms. Theo even has to steady him, to hold him in order to prevent him from falling to the ground. 

Liam looks so tired and so young in the state he is currently in. His normally blank face has changed, not that there are any emotions visible but it still looks different. More alive, as Theo realizes. Admittedly, this is weird because of the tiredness that is written all over his features. His cheeks are rosy and big sacks have formed underneath his eyes that are back to their usual blue. He is looking so normal this way, almost like himself. Like his old self. The Liam Theo knows inside out, like the back of his hand. But it is only his appearance; the familiarity is only on the surface. Liam is still someone else. He’s not the boy anymore that Theo had fallen in love with, though, he would bring this boy back somehow. He would show his sunshine the light. There is still hope that he will get him back.

 

 

When they come back home on Sunday morning, Jenna greets them warmly with her motherly love. She has made breakfast for them, causing Theo to almost believe that there is a special occasion he doesn’t know about but apparently it is only because Jenna had felt like it. The chimera is sure that she probably hadn’t gotten much sleep and so she had decided to cook instead. There are plates on the dining table with fresh fruits, sweet dishes like waffles and pancakes- yes, both of them, Jenna is literally an angel- and savory dishes like hash browns and breakfast burritos. Then there are also several jars of jam, maple syrup, and ketchup. She also had made orange juice herself, coffee and tea. Now, Theo is sure that she must be sent from heaven or from outer space. This woman is not from this world.

The chimera’s mouth is already watering by the sight of the delicious food on the table and if this was a comic, then he would most definitely have hearts drawn on his eyes. He almost runs to his usual seat and is sitting down on it, waiting for the others to follow his lead. Jenna simply laughs at his impatience, one of her lighthearted laughs and it is like music to Theo’s ears because it feels like he hasn’t heard it in years, surely not since the accident and it warms his heart a little. “Someone seems to be hungry,” she comments on his behavior.

“More like starving,” he corrects her. But food isn’t the only thing he is starving for lately and he feels his animals agreeing with him. 

They are literally digging into the food and by the time they are finished, Theo is so full that he is seriously doubting that he can walk up the stairs on his own. But he knows that he needs to sleep. His body and mind need some rest after this eventful and sleepless night. Though, he is scared of falling asleep. He knows that Tara will await him in his dreams, causing him nightmares.  He doesn’t know if he is really ready to face her again. If he ever will be. These are some of the questions that hold no answers for him and he is afraid to think too much about them. The only thing he can do is hoping that it will get better soon. Or to put it in other, more honest, words that Liam will remember him soon. 

Eventually, he had dragged himself up the stairs and to his room. He hears Liam shuffle through the room next door, hears him flopping down onto his bed and the deep sigh that’s following. A few minutes later, the beta’s heartbeat has steadied itself and his breathing got slower, telling Theo that he is fast asleep. The chimera, though, is rolling from one side to the other, closing and opening his eyes several times, trying to fall asleep. He tries to anchor himself through listening to Liam’s heartbeat but it doesn’t work. All of a sudden, he realizes what is missing. What is keeping him from his desperately needed sleep. It is Liam’s scent that smells like the calm air before a storm. Theo still hasn’t taken another one of Liam’s pillows. He had been sleeping without them the entire week and now it is crystal clear why he had had problems to fall asleep. 

Theo stares at the ceiling while he tries to convince himself that he can fall asleep without Liam’s scent. Apparently, he had done it throughout the whole week somehow. It had been hard but it had worked, that’s at least what he is telling himself. 

_ Oh, fuck it _ , he thinks, standing up from his bed to head towards Liam’s room. As he has already expected, the beta is sound asleep in his bed. Theo has to force himself to avert his eyes from Liam’s so soft looking face. Carefully, he takes one of the pillows next to his head and tiptoes back out of the room, trying to be as quiet as possible in order to not wake up the other boy who definitely deserves some rest.

Back in his, for now, own bed he buries his face into the stolen pillow, drifting off into a, gladly, dreamless sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Liam wakes up in the afternoon. He slowly opens his eyes, already expecting the bright light to burn his eyes away, but it was even worse than he has expected. The light hits him and he immediately has to close his eyes again, covering his face with his blanket, hiding away from the torturous sun. He knows that he has to get up eventually but he can at least try to delay the unavoidable and cruel move of getting out of bed. 

Slowly, very slowly, he dares to pull the blanket away from his face, his eyes still closed. Step by step is the only method that is working here. And then even slower, he opens his eyes, so that he is able to look through little slits.

It takes a whole moment for his eyes to get adjusted to the light which is illuminating the room in way too bright colors. The curtains are still half closed but rays of sunshine are able to sneak in and cast different shaped shadows on his surroundings. Even though it isn’t as bright as if they would be open completely, it was still too much for him to handle when he had just woken up. 

Eventually, Liam attempts to fully open his eyes, resulting in them to burn a little due to the brilliant light. The only thing he is dreading now is getting up and leaving the warmth of his very comfortable bed. Only the thought of imagining to leave his blanket cocoon to get back to a life that he couldn’t even recall anymore, caused shivers to run down his spine. If staying in bed meant he could avoid facing this reality a little longer he would try everything so he had to never leave it again.

It confuses him to feel out of place like he doesn't belong here anymore. Where there should be memories, there is only this overwhelming blank space that seems to drag him under. His brain is like an empty wall bereft of photographs and it is scaring him somehow. 

Liam feels like an impostor stuck in his own body like he is living the life of a complete stranger and he doesn't know how to cope with it. The intensity of his emotions and the emotions of the people around him is too much for him to deal with. There are so many people he is supposed to know but all he can see are strangers whose faces he can’t even recognize at all.

The beta feels incredibly lost, not a single place is feeling like home and it makes him more than a little uncomfortable.  For the past few weeks, he had tried to adjust but he couldn't find a way back. He feels like a broken puzzle piece that doesn't fit anymore. This life isn't his. It is the one of a Liam Dunbar he doesn’t know how to be anymore. Everything feels wrong and he just is at a loss of how to make things feel right again.

Liam can hear people walking on the sidewalk, making conversation about things that seem so irrelevant to him. Things like gossiping or talking about how they wanted to decorate their house for Easter, being painfully unaware that not everyone is able to lead such a carefree life as they do. All of them probably had wonderful memories of their loved ones. Beautiful memories they could share or think about, conjuring happy smiles on their faces every time they did.

Memories are an essential part of a fulfilled life, a part Liam is missing. The beta doesn’t even know how it is to miss someone, because in order to miss a person you have to remember them first. The stupid people on the sidewalk have everything that Liam doesn’t have. He doesn’t have any memories of his loved ones or any people in his life at all. So, when they aren’t around, he doesn’t miss them, because how could he possibly miss strangers? 

All he has is his own voice haunting his mind and he just can’t bear listening to it any longer. He is sick of it. Sick of the silence, the emptiness, the lack of color. Instead of memories painting a lot of vivid pictures in his head, there is only this painful blankness he couldn’t get rid off. He feels numb and he is tired of it. Sure, he has made new memories over the last three weeks but what are weeks compared to several years?

It’s not like he doesn’t like the people who he is living with. They are his family, a family that he couldn’t remember, but it doesn’t change the fact that they are strangers to him. It doesn’t change the fact that he feels nothing while looking at them either. The lack of love and familiarity he feels when he is around them leaves a hole in his heart he isn't able to fix. The numbness that is slyly crawling through his bones is already threatening to consume him completely. He really doesn’t know how to go on, feeling like he already has reached the end of the rope.

The beta can tell that his family and his friends are caring for him deeply, that they want nothing more than to help him feel comfortable around them. They are trying so hard, but it doesn’t miraculously trigger his memory. His brain is still housing a blank space where his memories should be. He can only recollect living with his family for the past three weeks and the rest of his life is still erased from his mind entirely. A part of him is afraid when he thinks about the possibility to never get his memories back, but another part of him just feels nothing and doesn’t even seem to care. His own thoughts sometimes seem like a whole mystery to him, he doesn’t know how to unravel.

Liam doesn’t know what his past had been like. The stories everyone had told him about it sounded nice, but hearing about it is not the same as having experienced it and it couldn’t fill whether the huge gap in his memory nor the hole in his heart.

He has to admit that Jenna is a really nice woman, and supposedly an amazing mother. He doesn’t even want to imagine what all of this is doing to her. The empathic part of him feels deeply sorry for her and wants to support her as much as possible even though he doesn’t know how. 

She is a literal sunshine; always putting everyone else’s needs in front of her own. He has learned that she is a very strong-willed woman, who can be even highly intimidating sometimes. But he can tell how much she loved her family and that she would do anything for them. So ‘losing’ her own son must have been terrible for her. He wishes he could heal her heart but how is he supposed to when he is hurting all the same but for completely different reasons?

David is really nice, too. Liam could see why his  _ mom _ had married him. He seems to be really kind and caring. Mason had told him, that he had been there for them when Liam had been younger and that he had supported his mother through tough times. Apparently, David had also been the one who had taught him to play lacrosse. Liam likes the sport. It is fun and he has learned that he is pretty good at it. Actually, he has to be considering he seems to be the team’s captain. 

All the other people that seem to be his friends are great as well. But he especially likes the boy who lives in the same house as he does. 

Theo doesn’t talk that much but the mysterious aura that is surrounding him makes him strangely interesting. Also, Liam can’t deny that the guy is really hot. Liam would lie when he claimed that he isn’t affected by his smirks that never seem to leave his face, underlining his good looks. 

Liam feels oddly drawn to him and sometimes he has the feeling that Theo could be attracted to him as well but that probably was only wishful thinking. It doesn’t appear as if he had already made a move on him when Liam’s memories had still been intact. At least Theo doesn’t act like there had been more between them at all.

As if he has been summoned the boy just by thinking of him, he hears him walking through the guest room which, apparently, had been his room. His enhanced senses are also something that Liam likes about this life. Sure, it hadn’t been easy to grow accustomed to them at first, but he had learned to use them. The first few days have been a nightmare, but he had figured out that being a werewolf had its perks. He has learned that he can read people’s chemosignals. It is really helpful to him because he can be really oblivious sometimes, especially when it comes to understanding emotions. Emotions that every so often are like a riddle to him he could barely solve.

After a few more minutes of thinking, Liam finally gets out of bed, opens the curtains but immediately jumps away from the light that comes rushing through his window as if it could burn him before he is heading to the bathroom to take a shower. A hot shower is probably the only thing right now, that could keep his mind off things a little and help him start a day he is still dreading.

 

  


 

When Liam finally walks down the stairs it is already five o’clock. There is not much left of the day but he has only planned to spend the evening watching movies to refresh his memories because apparently, he couldn’t even remember a single movie. Not being able to recall the simplest of things is really frustrating and, it even makes him a little bit angry. It’s still hard for him to deal with the situation but he tries not to think of it right now. Before he is about to start his little movie marathon though he decides to get some food in the kitchen.

What he hasn’t expected is to find an incredibly sleepy looking Theo there. His lips are tugged into their usual smirk, his hair still damp after the shower he must have taken. He is holding an ugly colored mug in his hand, taking sips occasionally from his coffee, that seemed to be his elixir of life. 

Theo’s whole appearance causes Liam to stop dead in his tracks. Getting up has already been hard for him but dealing with  _ this  _ is even harder. Liam knows that he isn’t supposed to feel this way, not when he still couldn’t remember. But just seeing him sitting there in front of him caused a whole army of butterflies to flap in his stomach. The beta doesn’t know how to react properly, his emotions going haywire. He is aware that he knows the chimera only for three weeks but not only himself but his wolf appears to be strangely drawn to him. What is it about the other boy that makes him so fascinating? 

Liam snaps out of his daze before Theo can catch him staring and walks over to the fridge to grab some orange juice, hiding his face that he feels heating up behind the door. He forces the blush away, replacing it with a blank face while trying to sort out his chemosignals, letting the numbness take control over his features again. He couldn’t risk Theo seeing or smelling his affection.

“Are you searching for something?” Theo asked, furrowing his brows in question.

“Nope, I just can’t decide what I want,” Liam says shortly, not realizing that Theo could tell by the skip of his heartbeat that he had been lying. It’s hard to bottle up all of your feelings and not being able to talk about them. He would have loved to spill his heart to the boy. Confiding in him. Telling him all about his feelings. But how was he supposed to tell Theo how he is really feeling when he isn’t even able to decipher his own emotions? He can’t deny that he is longing for someone he can talk to, someone who cares. But the beta isn’t ready to open up yet. Not to someone who he barely knows. He isn’t sure that Theo would even care. He doesn’t know if he is even interested in how he is feeling? He has never confirmed that they had been friends before. Now that he is thinking about it, Theo had barely talked about their past. It is highly possible that the boy doesn’t even like him and that they are just living together because they have to. Why does he even live here? Liam knows they aren’t related, so the only conclusion is that he is a friend of the family. Or is it, as Theo had said once, because they are pack?

So many questions Liam doesn’t know the answer to and he also doesn’t dare to ask. The numbness in his heart is telling him that he shouldn’t care, that it is none of his business. But what if it had been his fault that Theo has to live with them? In moments like this, he is missing his memories but just for a few seconds before the emptiness gets the better of him again. He can also feel his wolf calming slightly when he stops caring what feels like a huge relief because sometimes his wolf is like a wild beast trying to break out and it could be really exhausting to fight it.

Finally grabbing the orange juice and some leftovers from the night before from the fridge, he closes the door and turns around to Theo. What he hasn’t expected is to see his smile faltering and then fading the second he looks at him. Liam has witnessed this reaction a couple of times before and it always leaves him wondering whether it was his fault or if Theo simply disliked him. Or maybe he had done something in the past to upset him?

On Monday, he had read in Theo’s chemosignals that he had been sad. He had even smelled the dried tears and had seen the swollen and red-rimmed eyes but he hadn’t dared to approach him, to ask him what had been wrong. He had felt sorry for the other boy, though the second he had felt it, his wolf had crawled under his skin, had howled for some unexplainable reason he hadn’t understood. So he had put up his mask again even though he hadn’t managed to take his eyes away from Theo. He had let them rest on him for a moment, searching for something in the other boy’s emerald eyes. But he hadn’t found what he had been searching for.

"Do you wanna watch a movie with me?" Liam asks eventually, a little unsure due to Theo's sudden change of mood.

The chimera puts a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and Liam doesn’t have to be an expert in human emotions to see that it is forced. What has he done this time? It seems like he always upsets him somehow by accident. Or maybe Theo just doesn’t want to spend time with him...Either way, he could tell that something is off and Liam doesn’t even have to smell Theo’s scent to notice it.

“We don’t have to. I’ve just thought it would be nice. You know? A nice evening with a friend” Liam adds lamely, hoping that using the word _ friend  _ would help, but apparently he has thought wrong because Theo’s expression changed in a matter of seconds from the forced one to a completely blank one and Liam feels like he is mirroring the expression he is probably using himself most of the time.

Hastily, Liam turns around and hurries out of the room while awkwardly mumbling something like “Sorry, maybe another time then…” The reason why he had been to the kitchen in the first place completely forgotten. Storming up the stairs, he shoves the door of his room open, stepping inside and slamming it with a loud bang, before he weakly leans with his back against it, the cold wooden surface steadying him as he sinks to the ground, having a hard time to keep himself from losing it completely.

The whole situation isn’t easy for him either. Losing his memories is like losing a huge part of himself. He knows that his friends and family want to get the old Liam back, always telling him stories about the adventures they had had together but he feels like they are pushing him too hard, forcing him to regain all of his memories all at once. The beta feels like falling towards the ground before he had even seen the edge of the cliff. That is how he feels, how they make him feel. 

Sometimes he feels like a cornered animal, even. People are throwing memories at him from every direction, punching him straight into the gut because he couldn’t recall any of them. He is sick of seeing their sad and disappointed faces when they realize he doesn’t remember any of it. Sick of hurting them even though he isn’t doing it on purpose. He feels like an intruder in his own body. He doesn’t belong here. Not in this house, not to these people, probably not even to this world. Liam doesn’t want this, he hasn’t chosen this and it isn’t even his fault.

The pure sadness he feels is overwhelming. It comes in waves, washing over him mercilessly, drowning him in a sea of helplessness. But as soon as it had come it vanishes again, leaving a boiling anger in his chest he doesn’t understand. It has always been there. It was like a fire burning under his skin, sometimes it was just a little harmless flame that could burst into a dangerous inferno any minute. Liam has no control over it and he doesn’t know where it comes from and why the anger seems to be so threatening. Why couldn’t he just be normal? Other people aren’t a ticking time bomb, are they? The beta is sure that no one is as broken as he is. He is damaged goods, no one can repair.

And then all of sudden everything goes blank again, the numbness tries to cover up his brokenness. Tries to calm his anger and the wolf that threatened to lash out. He feels something wet on his cheeks as tears start to fall freely. Liam can smell the salty scent in the air. He feels exposed and vulnerable like this, so he tries to get himself together and scrambles back to his feet. The beta walks to the window to open it. Fresh air is streaming into the room which should cover up the faint traces of evidence of his break down and hide his vulnerability again.

Even though the emptiness slowly starts to engulf him again, his wolf is still restless. This hasn’t happened before and that’s why he doesn’t know what is wrong. It feels like it is desperately searching for something. But for what? Something from his past? Something it has lost? Liam doesn’t know what it is but he knows it must have been something of great value, something his wolf couldn’t seem to live without.  Something that could calm him, ground him even, _ like an anchor. _

 

 

Liam is spending the rest of Sunday evening alone in his room, watching random shows on Netflix and munching on the food that he had microwaved as soon he had been sure that Theo wasn’t in the kitchen anymore.

The other boy had taken his keys and had driven off with his truck, hadn't told Jenna where he would go to, just that he would be back later and she had hummed something like an ‘okay’ and a ‘goodbye’ in her half-asleep state on the couch. Liam had noticed that she had taken several naps throughout the day because she apparently hadn’t slept well at night and a pestering voice in the back of his head is telling him that it is probably because of him, that she can't sleep due to being worried about him so much. And he feels sorry for the woman that is his mother, the woman that has a bigger heart than anyone else he had gotten to know so far. 

The rest of the week passes by like the last one. They go to school and everything seems to be fine. Theo still holds his distance to him, as he always does, and all he is getting from the other boy are slight smiles and longing looks that immediately change into smirks when Theo notices that Liam is watching him, trying to figure him out. Though, he still isn't quite sure if the looks are identifiable as longing ones or if he is just imagining things and he also doesn't dare to ask. Like he doesn't dare to ask all the other questions that are constantly on the tip of his tongue either since he is too afraid to say something stupid or something uncalled for. 

He is pretty sure that the others wouldn’t mind him asking questions, they might even encourage him to do so, but there is still the possibility of hurting someone by using the wrong words and that’s the most frightening part of it. Liam is sure they wouldn’t hold a potential slip up against him because he doesn’t remember, but he really doesn’t feel like risking it. It is already worse enough for him not to have any access to his memories, to not being able to recall the most trivial things of his life, he doesn’t need the fear of saying the wrong thing by accident as well. 

The beta is quite aware of the fact, that his memory loss is affecting not just himself but everyone around him equally and he is afraid that he would twist the knife in the wound even deeper. So he chooses to stay silent.

Instead, he decides to concentrate on regaining his control over his animalistic traits. His wolf. Chaining him up hadn’t seemed to be the best idea after all. The only thing that seems to help is having something like a relationship to his wolf. They have to work together. As a team. A union. So, not showing emotions is starting to become a problem. When they are supposed to work together, it’s impossible to stay blank and his wolf seems to agree. His wolf finally seems to ask him to stop bottling up his emotions. Now, that his animalistic and human side are slowly coming to terms with each other,  he feels more balanced out. He even dares to fight back at the blankness and every now and again an emotion is appearing on his face.

Though the scared part of him still holds some power over him and he has twisted feelings when it comes to hiding away. Sometimes, mainly when he is alone, he has slip-ups. Whether it is the anger that seems to be a consistent part of him or the sadness that comes with being trapped in an unknown body without having anyone to reach out to. Yet, he doesn’t want the others to see his weakness, his vulnerability. In the back of his mind, he knows that the others would understand, but he is just not ready yet to let people in. Step by step, that’s how he is working on solving his problem and it is starting to work out this way.

Liam finally sees more than he had seen the last couple of weeks. He finally starts looking at the whole picture. All the patterns that had been right in front him are starting to not be a blur anymore. Emotions he’d tried to bottle up are more threatening to break through than they had ever before and Liam is not that scared of it anymore. And what is even more surprising, is that the numbness he had been overwhelmed with for weeks, doesn’t wash over him as often anymore. All those different puzzle pieces getting put back together are paving the way for regaining his memories. He has taken the first steps into the right direction already, fueling his hope that he might be able to make it back.


	5. Chapter 5

It is on another Saturday when Theo tells Liam that they won’t go to school the next week. Apparently, it’s spring break which means no school, no homework, no studying, and no worries. At least for one week. And he also is pretty sure that the ‘no worries’ part doesn’t count for him. Though, he is not completely lost anymore. He tries to show more emotions with every day that passes and has little to no struggles with handling his wolf nowadays. The progress doesn’t seem to quite pay off yet, but he would get there eventually. He is sure of it.

Theo, at least, thinks it’s a good idea to go on another refreshing his memories adventure and that’s how he finds himself, once again, in front of a huge building. A hospital to be exact, judging by the big sign that says “BEACON HILLS MEMORIAL HOSPITAL” Liam looks at the giant building in front of him in bewilderment, he couldn’t think of one single reason as to why this place could help him to trigger his memory. Usually, hospitals aren’t even something you associate pleasant memories with. 

Liam turns to where Theo is standing next to him. “Why are we here?” He asks a little reluctantly.

The chimera rolls his eyes. “Be patient, Li. You’ll find out soon enough. Also, we’re not quite there yet.” With that he starts walking again, apparently expecting Liam to follow behind.

It takes them ten full minutes to get through the maze that is the hospital. They take several turns in the twisted hallways, climb upstairs and take the elevator until they eventually go through a door, only to find themselves on the rooftop. It is a little chilly up there, a cool breeze is dancing around their bodies and Liam would probably be cold, if he wasn’t naturally warm due to being a werewolf. 

“So, what’s so spectacular about this place?” Liam speaks up first. He can’t quite see what could be so special about a rooftop and how it could possibly help to bring back his memories or at least jog them a little, but apparently, he needs to trust Theo on that, even if it is not that easy. 

Theo sighs deeply. “Don’t be so disrespectful. This rooftop is really important for something that happened in your life. I didn’t choose this place randomly and you didn’t either.” The chimera walks right towards the edge, almost like he wants to jump down there, but instead he just stops there, staring down to the ground.

The dread of Theo possibly falling off the edge hits Liam like a punch to the gut and immediately feels his heart-rate quicken in a slight panic. He doesn’t know the other boy that well but losing him is definitely something he doesn’t want to experience and his wolf seems to agree with him, judging by the animalistic instinct of keeping his pack members safe that is suddenly crawling through his veins. “Can you maybe take a step back?” Liam’s voice sounds a little more shaken than he had intended it to.

“Are you scared that I might fall, little wolf?” Theo mocks him. 

Liam furrows his eyebrows, the chimera’s last two words echoing in his head, nagging at his mind as if they are trying to awake a distant memory that is so blurry, they aren’t even able to grasp it. But only a moment later it is fading away again and out of his reach. 

“What did you just call me? Little wolf?” It’s not a name he had heard Theo using for him before, but it still feels strangely familiar somehow. Is it like a pet name? Or does he just want to mock him with that? Either way, it only fuels his confusion and all of a sudden even more questions about the other boy are rotating his mind, making him all fuzzy. Theo’s expression doesn’t help with that either. The chimera seems so uncomfortable all of a sudden. Almost vulnerable. Like he has given away too much and is now bracing himself for the outcome. 

Theo clears his throat, getting Liam's attention back to him. “Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to. Just ignore that I said it,” he says, sounding a little off, trying to draw the conversation back to another topic. “So, you wanted to know why we’re here. Well, this is the place where you had a near-death experience once.” 

“Oh wow, seriously?” Liam only brings out, because he doesn’t really know what to say to such news. He had already figured that his life isn’t like any other teenager’s, but a near-death experience, really? What had he gotten himself into?

“What happened?”

Theo’s gaze drifts back to the ground, staring at it as if it held all the answers to Liam’s question. “Well, I wasn’t there when it happened but you’ve told me about it. You said that a guy had attacked you in the hospital and dragged you to the rooftop. The exact same rooftop we’re standing on right now. But Scott came to rescue you. They started fighting and you got pushed off the edge, but you could hold onto it. Though in order to save you, Scott had to bite you, he had to hold onto you with his fangs” Theo’s eyes slowly travel up, locking with the beta’s deep blue ones. “Liam, it was the night you got turned into a werewolf”

Liam doesn’t know what to say. He is literally speechless. He can only imagine that the night must have been a life-changing moment. It also must have been traumatizing. If he is being honest, his whole life sounds like it is taken straight out of a nightmare. Liam has absolutely no idea how he had managed to deal with it before. How he had been able to cope with facing death probably more than just once. How he had been able to live this supernatural life without losing it completely. 

So, he just nods, a little overwhelmed by what he has just learned while he is trying to let the words sink in.  “Thanks for telling me and bringing me here,” Liam presses out eventually. He appreciates the gesture of telling him and Theo’s help. At least, he doesn’t have to deal with regaining his memories all on his own and going on these little adventures together might trigger something eventually. 

Liam knows all of those things, but he still had felt pressured the last couple of weeks. Everyone had tried to help him remember. While their intentions might have been good, their conversion had been pretty poorly sometimes. They had been throwing fragments of memories at him, he couldn't recall, making him frustrated in the process. He gets their determination but it had gotten a little too much for him. But with Theo it is different. The chimera is a little distant, yet he is the one Liam’s wolf seems the most settled around. 

“You’re welcome,” Theo puts his hand on Liam’s shoulder and squeezes it. It’s not weird to be touched by the other boy; actually, it is quite reassuring and calming. Some of the tension leaves his shoulders, even, and he relaxes under the touch. 

A smile finds its way to his face that Theo mirrors before he takes his hand away again. “Let’s go back home. Shall we?” Theo suggests, he sounds calm but there’s such a sadness visible in his, almost gray, eyes that give away so much vulnerability. Causing Liam to feel the sudden urge to hug the other boy, to make him feel better, to give him the comfort he is obviously seeking, but he is sure that would be weird. He just can't bring himself to do it.

In this moment, he is feeling so much more than back on the rooftop when Theo had told him about his past. He feels the strange impulse to protect Theo, to keep him safe. It scares him to feel this way about someone without having a real connection to them but at the same time, it is something that gives him the impression of being completely natural. Like it is supposed to be like that.

“Yes, let’s go home,”Liam gives him a small smile and lets Theo guide them back out of the hospital. 

They close the door that leads them back into the building, walk down the stairs and eventually get into the elevator. Theo pushes the button for the main floor and the automatic doors of the elevator are closing in front of them. Neither of them says something on their way downstairs. Liam doesn’t know what to say and even after only a couple of weeks, Liam can already tell that Theo is not one to make unnecessary conversation. 

Suddenly, the elevator comes to an abrupt hold. The little number still showing that they’re now on the second floor or at least near to it.

“Jesus Christ, seriously?” Theo mutters to himself, his voice laced with disbelief and something Liam isn't able to place.

Liam looks over at him, “I’m sure it will work again soon. We won’t be stuck in here forever” His voice is way calmer than Theo’s and it leaves him wondering if the other boy might be afraid of elevators or at least of being stuck in them. “Are you okay?” He asks carefully. 

“I’m fine,” Theo answers shortly. Liam doesn’t quite believe him but he doesn’t ask any further questions. He stays quiet, lets the uncomfortable silence settle between them. They’re just a few feet apart and their gazes drift around the little room, never meeting each other. The air is thick with tension but neither of them seems to have the right words to break it.

When Theo takes out his phone for what feels like the tenth time- actually, the fifteenth because Liam doesn't have anything better to do than to keep count of it- Liam finally speaks up, his voice cutting the silence like a knife. “Still no signal?” The question is dumb, he knows it the moment it has already left his mouth and judging by the look Theo throws at him in a silent agreement. But the beta just hadn't been able to stop himself from blabbering out the first thing that has come to his mind. The silence between the two of them had been deafening and he just couldn't bear it any longer.

Theo doesn’t even bother to answer his question, instead, he keeps staring holes into the elevator door. Liam doesn’t need to read the other boy's chemosignals to know that something is off. The chimera is quieter than had been ever before and by now Liam is pretty sure that it’s not because he is afraid of being stuck in a small room for an unknown period of time. 

Liam isn’t sure how to approach him though, he isn’t even sure if he wants to do it at all. They seem further apart from each other than ever before. It's like an invisible barrier has suddenly been built between the both of them, keeping them out of each other’s reach. Liam knows that it is his fault. He is the one without the memories. He is the one who got shot. And he is the one who will have to make the first step. The beta clears his throat that has all of a sudden become a little dry, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other as nervousness is creeping through his entire body.

“What’s wrong? Apart from being stuck in here, I mean,” his tone is laced with insecurity, but his eyes are searching for Theo’s, never finding them though since the chimera keeps avoiding his gaze.

By the time Liam is already about to give up on hoping for a reply, Theo breaks the silence unexpectedly, “It’s our elevator,” his voice is thick with emotion, “well, not ours, but we’ve been here before and not only to bring your dad food since he works here as a doctor.” He inhales deeply before he continues, “Whenever there is a threat in Beacon Hills, the fights against them always end up here in the hospital or at school. I don't know why, but it’s a fact. But that's not relevant right now. What I wanted to say is, that we had winded up in this hospital and this elevator is kinda important for our relationship.”

The beta arches an eyebrow questioningly, he doesn’t really get how an elevator could possibly be important for anyone’s life or relationship with another person for that matter, but if he has learned anything after the last couple of weeks then that his life is a lot different than the ones of other teenagers and that's why he doesn’t even question such things anymore, at least not that much.

Still, he is curious and wants to find out more about his past, to work on getting back his memories, especially when said past is including secretive chimera. “Why is it important to us, if I may ask?”

Theo’s gaze finally drifts over to Liam, their eyes locking for the first time since they have entered the elevator, and all Liam can see is a storm of emotions. Gray swirling into green and blue, like a hurricane that is moving over the ocean, leaving nothing behind but deadly waves and horror.

The chimera swallows hard. Liam has never seen him so emotional and dreaded. His guards are down, leaving his feelings completely exposed in front of the beta. Liam asks himself if the other boy is maybe afraid of telling him about their past. Now that he is thinking about it, Theo has never really talked about their relationship before. Liam doesn’t really know anything about him, doesn’t even have any clue why they are living together. No one has told him the reason why not even Jenna or Mason who have never hesitated to tell him literally everything before. Maybe they have waited for Theo to do it. Maybe he is finally about to shed light into the darkness. To let Liam in on the secret story that seems to be their relationship. Maybe finally knowing would get him closer to find the missing pieces he needs to put the fragments of his memory back together.

“I… well, we…,” Theo stutters, his voice laced with the same emotions that are reflected in his stormy eyes, “One time,” he starts again, steadier this time, “I pushed you into this elevator to save you from the Ghost Riders. And the second time I’ve pulled you into it to save you from the hunters. Both times we have fought together. We have a quite complicated past, Liam, that’s why this was kinda the start of our relationship. We became allies, not pack yet, but it was more than I could have ever asked for.” The last sentence comes out choked and Theo’s eyes are watery, yet Liam gets every bit of it.

The words sink in, deeper than he has thought they would; let something bloom inside of his chest, awakening his wolf. He checks if his fangs have already come out, but surprisingly he only feels his human teeth. He digs his nails into his palms, though, there are no claws that are piercing into his flesh, nothing but human nails that are scratching over it. He is in control, doesn’t even have to check his eyes for more proof. Instead he just silently thanks his wolf for staying hidden under the surface.

Theo, though, looks far from in control. His animals are not showing, but his emotions have obviously taken the better of him and Liam doesn’t know how to help him, doesn’t want to overstep a line. So, he does the same thing that Theo has done on the rooftop, he puts his hand on the other boy’s shoulder and squeezes it, comfort seeping through the touch along with all the unspoken words, all the things Liam doesn’t know how to pronounce. Like the fact that he can smell Theo’s emotions and that one of them is sweeter than others, sticking out between the negative ones like sadness and grief, and Liam doesn’t have to be experienced in reading chemosignals to realize that the sweet scent is love. And for once Liam doesn’t have to ask or question the reason for something.

This time it is crystal clear. Theo doesn’t have to see it with his very own eyes, he just knows that Liam can see it. Feeling it, smelling it, hearing his wolf call for it. He is able to do all of that without having access to his memories. Just through their bond, he hadn't been aware existed before and Theo’s love.

 

  


 

By the time they get out of the elevator, it is already afternoon. Apparently, they have spent two whole hours in there. Now, though, they are sitting in Theo’s truck, an unknown tension settling between them that is caused by what had just got revealed in the elevator. Liam still can’t really fathom it. From all the things he had expected this is definitely not something that has come to his mind at all.

_ Theo loves him. _

It is only one sentence. Three words. Yet, he can’t stop thinking about it. It is the only thing, his thoughts are revolving around. Still, it is meaningless to him. Kind of. 

Sure, he knows that it would probably mean the world to him if he still had his memories, but he doesn’t and so the words don’t have as much of an impact on him as they are supposed to have. Not that Theo has said them out loud. He hasn’t even needed to, his scent has told Liam everything he has to know. And he knows that Theo is aware that he has figured it out, but he doesn’t seem to want to talk about it. He has barely talked since they got out of the elevator, actually. To be honest, he can't even blame him. It must be pretty hard for Theo to even think about it, especially since Liam isn't able to love him back. Not at the moment though. The feelings might be still safely kept somewhere deep down in his conscience, somewhere far from his reach. He can't even imagine what it must be like for Theo to see him every day knowing he doesn't remember their love. Liam can't even recall what being in love with someone feels like, but he knows that it is a feeling that could either make you the happiest person in the whole world or break you.

They are sitting in the non-moving vehicle for an unknown period of time until Theo eventually starts the engine and drives them out of the parking lot. 

Liam doesn’t know the destination they are heading to but he doesn’t dare to ask either. So, he keeps his mouth shut, doesn’t break the silence and lets the train of his thoughts arrive in his head, wreaking havoc as they are creating a total mess in his mind.

Eventually, they pull into another parking lot. Liam doesn't need to have any memories to recognize the building they are parking in front of as a club, a closed one though.

“What are we doing here?”

Theo turns in his seat and looks at him. “Have some patience. You’ll see soon.” A small smile tugs on his lips and warmth immediately spreads inside of Liam’s body when he spots it. He has thought, that he wouldn’t see a change in Theo’s mood for the rest of the day, but apparently, he has been wrong. The smile is finding its way to his face very easily and it stays there just as easy.

“Come on, let’s go,” Theo commands before he gets out of the vehicle and Liam follows his lead. He hastily unfastens his seatbelt before he opens the door and jumps out of the truck. Even faster, he’s running after Theo who has already disappeared around the corner of the building, seemingly not even caring if the beta is actually following him close behind or at all.

Theo is calling for his name, right the moment Liam is walking around the corner, almost bumping into the chimera because he has tried to catch up, not having realized that the older boy has already stopped.

“Sorry,” he mumbles sheepishly before he takes a step back to give Theo some space. He doesn’t dare to be too close to Theo after what has been revealed in the elevator. He doesn’t want Theo to feel uncomfortable around him and proximity might make him feel that way. 

Theo coughs awkwardly, obviously not to clear his throat, but maybe to make the whole situation less uncomfortable because the tension is about to rise and taint the air once again.

“We have to get up there,” Theo states and points to the top of the building. “We won’t get into the building because it is obviously closed but we can take the ladder.” The chimera gestures to the ladder that is attached to the wall of the building but hanging a few feet above them. The beta arched an eyebrow in surprise, wondering why he has to get up to the top of a building once again.

Liam stares at the other boy as if he has lost his mind. “First of all, why is there even a ladder when you can’t climb it. And secondly, how are we supposed to reach it?” The other boy laughs at that- one of his genuine laughs, Liam can't miss noticing, before a bewildered look crosses his features briefly, wondering how he is even able to tell that.

“Aww, pup, we’ll have to help each other out. Obviously,” Theo says, “I’ll lift you up and then you’ll give me hand and help me up there.” His tone is completely serious as if his plan wasn’t impossible. Sure, they are supernatural beings and stronger than humans but that doesn’t mean that Liam will be able to get Theo up there, and especially not when he has to hold onto the ladder with one hand and lift Theo off the ground with the other. 

“It’s impossible,” Liam concludes, not convinced he could ever manage to do that.

Theo shakes his head. 

“Nothing’s impossible for a Possible.” A proud smile spreads on the chimera’s face and Liam can’t help but laugh.

“Did you just quote Kim Possible?”

The chimera’s features change in the blink of an eye, the proud smile is gone and something that Liam identifies as shock, awe and curiosity settle on his face. “You remember Kim Possible?”

“It seems.” He wouldn’t have noticed it if Theo hadn't pointed it out. But when the realization of him remembering something from his past, from his childhood even, hits him, he feels something like relief for the first time since he had woken up in the animal clinic. The feeling washes over him and is cleaning up some of the dark parts of his mind, he has accepted as being a part of him now. It is starting to color the dull and blurry pictures in his mind again, bringing them slowly back into focus, giving him back a small part of what he has been missing.

The sudden light there lightens up his face equally. 

It is just one faint memory, a little step towards the end goal, but it still is enough to plaster dopey smiles on both boys faces.

“We’re gonna do this now or not?” Liam asks with suddenly more certainty and enthusiasm for the task than he had had before. He doesn’t know why he needs to get on the roof in the first place, though, he has learned that Theo is someone he simply has to trust and there is no need to question his actions. He seems to know what he is doing. His approach at reaching out to his memories already had brought a faint memory back and that alone is more progress than Liam had been hoping for. The fact that Theo loves him also reinforces him to get up to the top of the club.

Theo just shoots him a smirk before he takes his arm and pulls him to his side. “I’m gonna give you a leg-up, okay?” the chimera declares and Liam just realizes how close they actually are, when he feels his warm breath on his cheek. A shiver runs down his spine and he has to swallow thickly, not knowing why the sudden closeness is sending him into a whirlwind of different emotions he can't quite place yet. Liam isn’t sure if he is able to form any proper words due to the proximity, so he simply nods because he isn't trusting his voice to cooperate right now. 

Liam steps nearer to the wall, facing it, while he lifts his leg up and places his foot in Theo’s palms. They count to three and then Theo is lifting Liam up and Liam is clasping his hands around the ladder, holding onto it, pulling himself up.

When he is safely standing on the ladder, he looks down at Theo who beams up at him. “Now, the hard part,” Liam says, “give me your hand.” He extends his hand for Theo to take it, the other one still clasped around the ladder in a tight grip. 

The other boy takes his hand and Liam doesn’t know how it is even possible. This must be some kind of miracle or he is just stronger than he has thought. Not that he has tested his full strength before, but he hadn’t been completely convinced that he would be able to lift Theo off the ground and pull him on the ladder that easily.

“It’s a miracle,” Liam states awestruck, breathing heavily when Theo is settled beside him. 

Theo chuckles. “Let’s get up there, shall we?” And with that he is climbing up the rest of the ladder, Liam following him right behind.

The beta scans the roof curiously when he's finally standing on it, but he can't find what's special about the place. Though the hospital hadn't been special either, it had been the memories and things he had experienced there that had made the place unique.

“What happened on here? Another fight? Another life-threatening experience?” Liam raises an eyebrow in question, realizing once again how surreal his life really is.

Theo laughs. “Good things happen to us as well, Li, you know,” he says, “our lives might be different. Crazy even. But the world is not only divided into black and white, even though this memory is a bright white one. At least for me. And before the accident, it had been one for you as well.” Theo’s gaze slowly drifts from the sky he is staring at to Liam. His eyes resting on him, lingering, longing.

“The memory is about us, right?” Liam guesses. Before the elevator, he wouldn't have thought that there was even something remotely close to  _ us or we.  _ If someone had told him yesterday that Theo has been in love with him the whole time, he would have laughed at them, but now everything is different. Everything has changed. To the better, though. At least it felt like it has.

The chimera slowly nods, seems a little hesitant to admit it, even though the answer is practically written in the air between them. His natural mask of confidence is finally gone, revealing his vulnerability. A sensitive part of himself. Like burned skin that's still healing but gets covered by layers of bandages to hide it from the rest of the world and to give him a feeling of safety.

“What happened between us?” Liam breathes out the words, he's dying to know the answer to. Theo’s hesitance makes him wary as well, almost like it's contagious. The whole situation is so fragile that needs to be handled with utmost care.

A smile tugs on the right corner of Theo’s mouth and a small laugh escapes his- as Liam notices- rosy lips. 

“It's kinda silly. It really is. Not the memory but us. We have been silly that night,” Theo begins, “it had been a pack night and normally it means spending a night in and re-watching movies that we already know by heart and can speak along to. But that night Mason and Brett had decided that it would be a great idea to come here, to the Sinema. It's a club, as you probably already noticed, and it's actually more a thing that Brett likes, but he still managed to persuade us into going”

“And?” Liam asks when Theo doesn't keep talking and doesn't elaborate any further. Now that he has started to spill what had happened back then, he can't just stop. Liam can't explain why but he kind of has grown to love hearing these stories of his past just as much as he hates it. He loves hearing about it, especially when Theo’s lights up when he talks about a memory he shared with Liam and the pack. However, he can't help but find something about it odd, about the fact that his face lightens up by the thought of the pack. He doesn't seem to quite catch the reason though and so he lets it slip and focuses back on Theo.

“Well, as werewolves or chimeras it's not that easy to get drunk because of our fast healing, so alcohol doesn't work for us the way it does for humans. That's why we have other techniques to get drunk. We lace the alcohol with wolfsbane to poison ourselves and only then the alcohol is starting to affect us.”

“Okay, got it.” Liam nods. “Keep going.”

Theo chuckles because the both of them know that Liam is the one who interrupted him, but he does as he is told. “So, we got really drunk and suddenly we found ourselves on the rooftop, to shorten the whole story. And then-,” he puts his hand behind his neck- a gesture that shows his uncomfortableness and shyness, as Liam has learned- coughing awkwardly before he finally blurts it out, afraid he might chicken out if he didn't get the words over his lips quick enough. 

“Then we kissed.”

It's not what Liam has expected to hear and still, it doesn't even take him by surprise. He knows that it must have happened at some point. Not when and not how. He hadn't even expected Theo to tell him, but he is glad that the other boy has found the guts to make the move, bring him to the spot where they had shared their first kiss.

Quickly, the silence between them becomes awkward and eventually, Liam thinks it's time for him to break it, “Thanks for telling me,” he says lamely, mentally facepalming himself because he doesn't come up with a better reply. The beta doesn't really know how to react, is too inexperienced to cope with it as he should be. Like he probably had been able to in the past. In a past where he still could remember how empathy actually really worked. A past where living in hadn't been as confusing and complicated as living in a present he didn't know about anymore.

He steps forward and reaches out for Theo’s hand, taking it into his and squeezing it lightly. He lets their palms rest against each other for a while before he is withdrawing his hand again.

Theo gives him a light smile. Obviously, he had hoped to trigger something with that memory but it hadn't worked and he’s just as sad about it as Liam is.

“I’m sorry,” Liam whispers.

Theo shakes his head. “You know it's not your fault.” It's meant to sound reassuring but Liam can't help but think that Theo’s words hold more to it. That the other boy might even be blaming himself for the accident. The whole time Liam has been blaming himself but seeing that Theo is doing the same cracks something open inside of him. And this just might be another step in the right direction. Empathy is the first feeling that is filling a little part of the crack and gives him something to hold onto. Like an anchor. Like the reassuring smile that’s plastered on Theo’s face.


	6. Chapter 6

Liam feels like, since the truth about Theo’s and his relationship is out in the open, they are getting along way better. The other boy seems to be more comfortable around him now. Smiles more often. Isn’t that closed up anymore. Considering the fact how awkward and how thick the tension had been between them only a few days ago, this is counting as a huge progress already.

There is no reason to hide away from him any longer and Liam is glad that he is able to spend more time with Theo from now on. The universe apparently knows that it is the right time for them to bond since they have a few days off- due to spring break-, having lots of time to get to know each other again.

They mostly are spending the break playing videos games and watching movies, but Liam finds it perfect. He feels more alive than he had over the past few weeks, the spark of life inside of him glowing brightly again. His wolf agrees with him and is way more settled now that Theo is around more often. Liam has no idea why he is so calm when he is with Theo but he doesn’t question it either. Not that much at least. Maybe his wolf remembers the boys’ bond and that’s why Liam is more in control nowadays. But that is just one of Liam’s theories, one he doesn't even have real proof for.

“Liam, we’re gonna eat soon. You’ll come help set the table?” Jenna pulls him back to reality where he is laying on his bed, his eyes still glued to the ceiling. He has just wanted to relax for a bit before dinner and then he has gotten completely lost in his thoughts. Liam has caught himself getting lost in his thoughts more often lately and he is secretly hoping that one day he will get pulled into the hole where his memories seemed to be locked away, freeing them so he could inject his mind with everything he had lost again.  Though, maybe that is just wishful thinking. At least the blank space in his head isn't as empty anymore as it had been just a few days ago. Faint fragments of distorted memories had appeared, slowly filling the gap with life again even though he isn't able to grasp every single one of them, still.

Erasing his thoughts, he gets up to head to the kitchen where Theo is busy stirring the food in the big pot. It smells delicious and his mouth is watering immediately. He takes a step forward to get a closer look at the deliciousness, peeking into the pot and spotting some sort of stew; all sorts of vegetables swimming on the surface. 

“It smells amazing,” Liam compliments Theo who is standing right beside him. Closer than he expected actually, but he doesn’t make any attempt to pull away, risking to lose the comforting heat that is radiating off of the chimera’s body. A smile crawls its way up to his face at that. Followed by a shiver that runs down his spine when Theo licks his lips before he is mirroring his smile.

“Thank you,” Theo says sheepishly, “I hope it will taste just as good.”

Before Liam can reply to that, Jenna calls for him from the dining room, telling him to bring the plates. So, he takes three plates out of the cupboard and shuffles to the room where Jenna is currently putting cutlery on the table. A wide grin spreads on her face when she spots him in the doorframe.

“Just put them on the table. Can you also get some glasses?”

He does as he is told and goes back to the kitchen to get three glasses. Jenna is only setting the table for three people, so he guesses that David won’t be home for dinner. He probably has to work longer tonight.

Liam has learned that David is working as a doctor in the hospital that he has visited with Theo on Sunday. The Sunday that has thrown his new world upside down. In a good way though.

Liam hands the glasses over to Jenna while he asks, “You need help with anything else, mom?” 

And that’s when one of the glasses slips out of his fingers, falling to the floor not being able to defy gravity. Upon hitting the ground’s hard surface, the glass shatters into tiny little pieces, scattering across the floor. But Liam barely registers that, doesn’t even hear the crash or his mother panicked voice, asking him if he was alright. The world around him seemed to have lapsed into silence as images and flashes of memories are flooding his mind. They come in waves and are so overwhelming he nearly doubles over because it is all too much and too overwhelming to properly cope with.

Various scenes are rushing in front of his inner eye, like someone has pushed the fast-forward button, jumping from one moment of his life to another one in a short amount of time. Starting with his first day of school. 

_He’s holding his mother’s hand, holding onto it for dear life. Watery eyes looking up at her. A sting feeling of anxiousness and edginess strikes like lightning through his whole body. He doesn’t want to let go, doesn’t want to go through this all alone. But she simply smiles and squeezes his hand reassuringly. “Everything’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna make lots of friends, buttercup,” she says while she’s wiping the tears off of his face. “Come here.” His mom pulls him into a tight hug, whispering something into his ear that he can’t quite make out but still_ _causes him to giggle._

The scene changes and, suddenly, he is sitting in a waiting room. All the walls are painted in white, even the chairs are colored in the same shade. The only colorful thing in the whole room are the toys on the table in the middle of the room. 

_ He goes over there and grabs the little dragon plushie, clasping it to his chest and nuzzling his nose into it. “Cute dragon,” he says with a high-pitched voice. He turns around to his mom who is sitting on one of the chairs. “Can I keep it?” He asks, putting on his sweetest smile. His mom opens her mouth to reply to him but suddenly a voice calls them that seems familiar but he can’t quite find a face to it. So, she simply nods- fully aware that she has just allowed her son to steal one of the toys- before she takes his little hand and leads him out of the room. The other hand still clutching onto the dragon.  _

More scenes flash through his mind, clashing above it like waves in a storm. All the feelings that come with them are almost not bearable. They are drowning him. But in a good kind of way. He feels joy and grief. Fondness and loss. Comfort and pain. But most importantly he feels love. It’s the strongest emotion of them all. The family bond is settling inside of him. Giving him back the mother he had lost. The mother he loves so dearly. An important part of his life.

“Mom?”

His voice cracks and sobs are escaping his mouth. Tears are streaming down his face, blurring his vision, turning his surroundings into a sea of unclear pictures. But he doesn’t need to see, just to feel; to feel the strong arms embracing him and holding him tightly. Like they had on his first day of school. Her scent washes over him and helps to calm him down. He feels safe. Protected. Loved. 

He remembers her. He remembers his mother. 

Some of the broken pieces of his mind are slowly becoming one again.

A whole new world opens up to him but at the same time, it feels more familiar than ever. The lost parts of him fall back into place again. Like they've never been lost before, becoming a whole picture again.

 

  


 

Liam can’t really explain how he is feeling since he has gotten back the memories of his mother. No words seem to be quite right. No words seem to be quite right. No words are on the tip of his tongue, ready to get spit out. No words orbit his mind, ready to get fetched in the right second. And he has no problem with it.

He is just genuinely happy, a smile is constantly finding its way on his face, brightening his features visibly. His mother mirrors the same kind of happiness. Relief. She seems to be a lot sunnier now. A natural glow is surrounding her, causing her to look younger. Happiness makes people look better, she had always said to him when he had been younger, he  _ remembers _ . Finally, there is something he can grasp, memories he can reach out to, memories he is able to replay in the shape of little moving pictures inside of his head. They are slowly filling the empty space, making him feel less lost. Some of the pressure has been lifted off of his shoulders, creating a somewhat carefree sensation inside of his body he thought he would never feel again. The heavy weight that had been dragging him down, has gotten considerably lighter. A few layers get pulled off as his mind is beginning to heal itself. Liam has been unfolding them which solved at least parts of his problem. 

The parts that he hasn’t been able to solve yet are the more dreading ones.  _ Theo _ . The name is the one that’s floating around his mind now. The one name that seems to hold so much power over him. Over him and his wolf. A name without memories behind it, without a real meaning to him. There is nothing to hold onto, the only thing that he is certain about is the fact that Theo loves him. That he truly loves him and that Liam has once loved him as well.

But what he is also sure about is, that Theo is his anchor, that he had been his anchor at least. You can’t keep a person as your anchor after you have lost all of your memories of them, or can you? Theo certainly is able to ground him but he isn’t quite sure if it is just because Liam knows that he is actually his anchor or because his wolf remembers it. His wolf isn’t that much of a help either. It obviously can’t talk or communicate with him. It’s more like a feeling inside of him, an animalistic intuition that causes his emotions to go haywire sometimes.

So, the only thing that is left for him to do now is waiting, like he has done the last couple of weeks. His memories will be restored eventually, hopefully. That is how it had worked with the memories of his mother, so it would probably work again, right?

“Liam, what’s going on with you? We both know that you stand no chance against me but you could at least try,” Mason jokes, snapping him back to reality and out of his daydream.

The beta gives him an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I’ve kinda zoned out a little,” he explains, followed by a shrug. Masons nods as a response. Liam really appreciates that he doesn’t ask any further questions. The silent understanding is a thing he seems to share with Mason. The other boy never pushes him, never pressures him. He is the best friend someone could possibly ask for. The beta doesn’t really know the other boy that well, but after a couple of weeks, he can already tell that Mason is a loyal and kind person, someone he could always count on. 

He focuses back on the screen before Mason realizes that he has once again not paid any attention to the game they are currently playing. It is some sort of shooter game and Mason is absolutely right when he says that Liam doesn’t stand any chance against him. He literally has no skills at all. He’s just hitting some buttons on his console, not really knowing what he’s actually doing, getting himself killed over and over again as the result of his inability to choose a strategic path.

Unlike his lacrosse skills, his gaming skills have not suddenly found their way back to him. Though, he doesn’t know if he had had any in the first place.

“Of fucking course!” Mason curses when he gets killed off by one of the monsters they are meant to defeat. They had tried to get to the next portal for over an hour but they never even come close. It is mostly Liam’s fault because he is losing all of their life points, so they have to start all over again. But Mason hasn’t complained about him completely failing yet, he is aware that it is only partly his fault that he sucks that much at the game.

The game is reloads and their characters get teleported back to the starting point. “Try a little harder this time,” Mason teases him, a playfully smile dancing on his lips. 

Liam takes the pillow that is lying next to him on the bed, slamming it right into Mason’s face. Pure shock is written all over the human’s features when he pulls the pillow back again. “You didn’t just do this!” he says, “This means war!” With that, he grabs two pillows and hits Liam with both of them at the same time. The pillow fight easily changes into a physical one, the boys are rolling around the floor like the dorks they truly are. Until, suddenly, Mason screams, “The floor is lava!”, jumping to his feet and on the bed.

While Mason is high-fiving himself and apparently celebrating himself because he has won the game, Liam is just eyeing him quizzically. “The floor is what?” he asks, his voice laced with confusion.

“The floor is lava,” Mason says, but the voice is suddenly like an echo. The real Mason is saying it, same as the Mason in his head. A younger version of him though, looking at him in front of his inner eye. A playful expression on his face while he is screaming and cackling, jumping from one furniture to the other. Liam following right behind him, from the couch to the couch table, back to the couch and then on the armchair. 

“Be careful, boys,” his mom is calling from the kitchen, “don’t hurt yourself!” But the boys don’t even listen, are too busy finding ways to get to a new place without having to get into the evil lava that would consume and burn them alive if they touched it. They manage to place their feet on anything but the floor while they are jumping around like the hyperactive children they are. 

Though all of a sudden, Liam loses his balance, clasping his hand around Mason’s arm in an attempt to save himself but it causes the both of them to crash to the ground. “Cheater,” Mason accuses him, but immediately starts chuckling. Liam joins in right away, even though it’s hard to laugh under Mason’s weight since the boy had fallen right on top of him. 

Liam’s blurry vision sharpens again and the first thing he sees when he is back in reality is Mason’s face, staring at him, pure concern shining in his eyes. His eyebrows are pinched together and the usual easy smile has left his lips.

“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost!” Mason says hesitantly, a hand coming up on Liam’s shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly. Their eyes meet and Liam feels like he is seeing something completely new the boy’s the brown irises but still so familiar at the same time. A friend he had lost and found again. The brown eyes that had gotten ripped away from his life and that he can finally get a glimpse at again.

Liam shakes his head, slowly. “We've played this game when we were younger,” he states, his eyes wide and his mouth agape. “I remember. It’s not much but I know that we played this game together. All the time actually. It has been our favorite,” he continues.

Mason nods reassuringly,  before he is pulling Liam into a tight hug. It is not like it had been with his mother. This time, not all of the memories crash back to him and flood him like a tsunami. It is just a wave that has finally reached the beach, one wave that only seems to be the harbinger of the storm that is about to come one day. A sign, a warning. And Liam is ready to remember everything about his best friend eventually. 

The boys go back to playing their game at last and Mason continues kicking his ass when they play against each other. They don’t talk about what has happened between them but they don’t need to either; the wide smiles on their faces tell every story already, express every emotion. Liam can smell the happiness that is radiating off of his best friend’s body. It is contagious and wraps around him like a cozy blanket, he never wants to let go of again.

Eventually, Mason’s mom calls Mason, telling him to come home for dinner. The boys end their game and Liam is escorting his best friend to the door, hugging him one last time before the other boy leaves. Liam turns on his heels while the door shuts behind him, a relieved smile dancing on his lips and he is convinced that nothing is gonna be able to cast shadows over his bright mood.

When he enters the living room, Theo is laying on the couch, watching a movie that Liam doesn’t know, a blanket wrapped around him and strands of his messy hair falling on his forehead. He looks so peaceful like that, Liam thinks, especially compared to his usual stiffness that causes him to come off like the world’s burdens are resting on his shoulders. Theo notices that Liam is watching him and tilts his head to the side to get a better glance at him, throwing a fond smile his direction.

“You wanna join me?” he asks, “I’m watching your favorite movie.”

Liam nods, lifting Theo’s feet off of the couch, slumping down on it and putting the other boy’s feet in his lap. He leans back in the cushions to find the most comfortable position. “What is the movie about?” Liam tips his head to the side, making eye contact with Theo, getting lost in the sea of green, blue and gray shades for a second. 

Theo is holding his gaze a little longer than necessary, sinking deep into the ocean, diving, exploring until he eventually goes back to the surface to refill his lungs with oxygen. He realizes that he has been holding his breath the whole time, like he had been really there, in the familiar ocean, though, he knows that it’s not possible, not yet.

He opens his mouth, exhaling slowly, about to say something that he is not sure of yet. But before he can build up the courage, Jenna is calling them from the kitchen. Dinner is ready and they get up to go to the dining room, leaving the paused movie behind, the unspoken words and all the emotions that have come with it.

They are enjoying the casserole Jenna has made, making conversation about what each of them had done all day. Liam looks around the table, at the people that are his family. 

At his mother that has given him all the support he had ever needed. She had worked her ass off and raised a child almost completely on her own. Her strength leaves him in awe. She is a sun on her own. The light that radiates off of her brings joy and life to other people. It is drawing warm rays on the dark parts of their souls.  

At his stepfather, that is more like a real father to him. The man who he can only remember bits about but he still  knows that he can trust him, that he will always be there for him. He knows how much he loves his mother. Their gentleness and comfortableness is only a part of how they express their love for each other. Liam is happy that his mom has someone who is having her back and who is supporting her with everything she does. He is like the moon to her sun. Always there to help out, even in the darkest of nights.

At Theo who is looking at his home around them, like he has finally arrived at the place that he had always belonged to. He belongs to Liam’s side and he knows that, has known it for a while now, even before Theo had told him that he loves him. And he will love him back eventually, it will just take a little longer; he maybe needs a little more willpower to convince himself to open up the box of memories. He is almost ready to do so. There is still something missing, but soon the puzzle pieces are going to fall back into place. He can feel it, feel the hands reaching for the part of his soul that is dedicated to Theo. The longing is practically not bearable, though, the hope is soothing it, giving the hands a line to hold onto.

And as he is sitting there, watching his family acting completely natural around each other, he smiles to himself. He is sure, this is what coming home feels like.

 

  


 

 

“You don’t have to stop,” Liam hears the words over and over again, like a mantra. Though, it doesn’t quite fit the scenery. He is lying on the grass next to Theo in the garden, looking at the clouds above them, trying to make out what the clouds look like. It is Theo who is talking to him but not the Theo with the fond smile and the crinkles in the corner of his eyes whose face is so near to his. The voice is distant but still perceptible.

Abruptly, he gets pulled out of his dream, a shrill scream jolting him back to reality. He is laying on his bed, his racing heart beating at tremendous speeds against his chest and the screaming voice are the only things he can concentrate on, the dream already forgotten.  All of sudden, it is silent again. He focuses his senses on his surroundings now that the screaming has stopped. The air is tainted with dread and sweat, the strong smell hits his nostrils and causes him to wrinkle his nose. 

He immediately knows what is going on since he had been in this situation a couple of times already. Theo must have had another nightmare. Liam just never had reacted to it before. He had always gone back to sleep immediately after the screaming had died down. He hadn’t felt the urge to go to the guest room to check if the chimera was alright. It hadn’t been his place to comfort him, to be there for him, helping him to guide Theo through his nightmares. It’s not like he hadn’t cared, he really had but he knew he couldn’t be the person that he had really needed in that moment and so he had stayed away. In the mornings, he had never mentioned it or asked Theo about it. He wouldn’t dare to do so. It is none of his business.

But this time it is different. This time he knows more.

So, he gets up and walks to the door, his muscles still sore from sleeping. The hallway is lit up by the moonlight that is shining through the window, drawing patterns of light on the walls and floor that go all the way over to Theo’s room, like they are showing him the path he is about to take. And he does exactly that, he follows the light and knocks on Theo’s door, the other hand already resting on the door handle. He doesn’t even wait for an answer before he opens the door and enters the room.

In there it is reeking of sweat, fear and tears. Theo is curled up on the floor next to his bed, his blanket wrapped tightly around him and his face is turned away from Liam. Low sobs are echoing through the room.

Liam can’t help but to compare Theo to a hurt deer that has gotten lost in the woods. Someone or something has attacked it and it has barely gotten away, still bleeding, barely hanging on. The wounds are deep and there is no one who is going to save it and fix his wounds. But that is not the case anymore. Liam is there now and this time he will try to save Theo from bleeding out.

The wounds are deep- he can feel it, smell it, understand it. It is going to take time for the wounds to heal, but Liam will be there to help him to get through it since he is the one who has caused the damage. He is quite aware that he is the reason why everything has fallen apart, so he is the one who has to pick up the pieces. It is his duty.

So, he strides up to Theo, looking down on the boy as if he saw him for the first time. The blanket is covering his face now but the smell of tears is still hanging thick in the air, though, the sobs have stopped and Theo is lying there completely still. The only thing that is indicating that he is still alive, is his a little too fast thrumming heart and his unsteady breathing.

“Theo?” Liam asks softly, warily. He is afraid that he could break Theo with nothing but his words, as if the echo of his voice has already caused the glass to crack.

Though, the boy doesn't react, his body, however, goes tense. Maybe he just noticed that the beta is in the room with him, Liam thinks. Which would make the whole situation even worse. It would mean that Theo is still lost in his thoughts and that he is still imprisoned in his nightmare that he has long woken up from.

“Theo?” He tries again, a little more urgent than before trying to reach out to Theo.

This time the chimera lets out an unidentifiable sound that is more like the combination of a whimper and a huff.

Liam slowly sits down on the floor next to where Theo is laying, his back resting against the bed, his eyes glued on the bundle that is the boy who has to be there for now. The one who he feels responsible for. The one who has suffered so much in the last couple of weeks. Though, this time Liam has found his boldness again, has remembered that he is stronger than he had thought. And he knows that he is able to help Theo, not only because they have a special past, but because of what he has learned about them so far.

“You want me to tell you something?” Liam asks but he leaves him no time to answer, “You know that Mason has been over today, right?” He looks over at Theo’s covered head, patiently waiting for a nod or another grumble. And eventually Theo grumbles back something unidentifiable- even for someone with werewolf hearing- and so Liam continues, “We have been playing video games, as always, and suddenly Mason screamed ‘the floor is lava’ and then, well, then I remembered something. I remembered playing the floor is lava with Mason when we were kids.”

Theo doesn’t react to it, doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even grumble. Simply nothing.

Until the smell of fresh tears is washing over Liam, making his heart sink.

Liam knows that this time words won’t be enough to calm him or to make him react. This time he has to act, so he lies down next to Theo, his chest touching Theo’s back. He puts his arm around the other boy’s middle, pulling him closer until there is no space left between them. The heat of their bodies becoming one. Their heartbeats playing together to create a melody that only they can understand.

They lie there in their bubble for what feels like an eternity, and Liam wouldn’t mind if it really was one. When he is around Theo he feels different. Theo is the anchor that keeps him from drifting off, from falling apart and giving up. He’s the calm after the storm. But this time Liam has to be the one who keeps the other boy from going insane. He doesn’t know if he is doing it right or if there is even a right way, though, he has the feeling that he is helping Theo to settle, to calm down. And it causes something to bloom in his chest. A warmth seems to grow there that is spreading through the rest of his body, flowing in his veins like it is a part of his blood like it has always been a part of him.

“Why?” It is the first thing that Theo says that night. It is a simple question. One word. And yet, Liam sees so many possible questions that come with it; there are a lot more unspoken words behind it. A lot that are flashing through Liam’s mind now and he doesn’t know which one Theo meant, still.

_ Why are you here? _

_ Why are you trying to help me? _

_ Why does it hurt so much? _

But the ones Theo asks next have actually not crossed his mind yet, not in this situation at least and they are breaking his heart. “Why can’t you remember me? Why can you remember your mom and parts of David and Mason but not me? Why am I doomed?” He whispers the last part, more to himself than Liam. And not even his cracked voice can take the power away from the words.

“I don't know,” Liam says honestly, because he simply doesn't. He has been asking himself the same thing a couple of times already and he has never come to a conclusion. There seems to be no answer to it, apparently. “I'm sorry.”

Theo squirms under his grip around his waist, twisting until he's facing Liam, the blanket finally not covering his face any longer.

“Don't,” he starts, “don't apologize.” His voice is soft but the words strike like lightning. He knows that Theo doesn't blame him for everything that happened; he only blames himself. He hasn't said it but he doesn't need to when the unspoken words fill the space between them, flying around them like a breeze on a chill winter day, leaving goosebumps wherever it touches bare skin.

Liam swallows heavily, tears he hadn't known about falling on his cheeks. Theo puts his hand right there, cupping his cheek, wiping away the drops that are rolling down his face. His hands and movements are gentle and the air between them seems to change; sizzling, almost.

“It's not your fault,” the beta speaks up eventually. Theo opens his mouth to protest but Liam cuts him off by shaking his head, “No, it's not your fault. I know what you’ve told me and I also know. Like remembering it but different, you know?” Theo nods understandingly.

The silence settles between them again while Theo keeps stroking over Liam's cheek. The blue-eyed boy starts prickling as if the sizzling air is effecting him, but that's not the case, it's Theo who is causing the goosebumps to pop up on his arms and neck and the shivers running down his spine.

“Theo?” Liam breaks the silence. “I can't remember you but I know that I love you.” He voices the feeling that is blooming in his chest, going straight to his heart that's beat is speeding up. “I love you,” he says again, “I just know it.” There is so much hope audible in his tone and the wide smile that spreads on his face just puts even more emphasis on it. 

But it is nothing compared to Theo's expression that is full of happiness and relief. Liam has never seen something that is even slightly comparable to the other boy's features. It displays every single emotion he feels and yet more. There is something so fascinating and beautiful about it that he can't find words for.

Suddenly, without even thinking about it, he leans forward until there are only a few inches left between them. His lips are ghosting over Theo's, their breathing mixing together, put he stays like that, doesn't dare to go any further. Though, fortunately, Theo takes the last step and closes the distance between them. Their lips brush over each other. It is already too much and yet not enough. So, Liam kisses Theo, slowly and soft. His hand resting on the other boy's neck to give him something to hold onto. Or to be just a little closer to Theo. And they easily find a rhythm for their lips to move together, as if it was the most natural thing to do for them.

The kisses stay soft but Liam is still out of breath when they pull apart and he feels a little fuzzy in the head. Theo's fond smile doesn't aid to make him think straight. He doesn't mind though, he will just stay on the clouds he has suddenly found himself on for a little longer. As long as it takes to find his way back to Theo's chest of memories. But he is sure that he at least has revealed some parts of the map that will lead him there. To the treasure that he has buried in the back of his mind, home.

Theo takes his hand, squeezing it reassuringly, and then he sits up, pulling Liam up with him before he scrambles to his feet and sits down on the edge of the bed. Liam takes the hint and so he gets up to sink down on the bed as well. Together they lie down on it, cuddling up, and Liam puts once again his arm around Theo's middle, pulling him close. It is his way of showing that Theo will be safe with him. He doesn't know what Theo's nightmares are about but he will chase them away the best he can. They won't get to Theo anymore, not when Liam is there by his side to paint bright spots on the dark parts of his mind and Theo does the same for him, slowly helping him to find all the chests he has buried.

Eventually, they fall asleep and for the first time in a while the both of them have peaceful nights. Theo doesn't dream of his sister and Liam finally remembers one of his dreams in the morning; but it is not the one he dreams about that night.

 

  


 

Liam slowly opens his eyes. The light is piercingly bright, so he blinks for a couple of times to adjust his eyes to it and to get rid of some of the sleepiness that's still making his eyelids feel incredibly heavy.

The first thing he sees is the ceiling. The first thing he feels is his aching shoulder and back. The first thing he smells are tried tears and cleaning and disinfection products. The first thing he hears is someone moving.

And then there are familiar green eyes looking down on him. Everything seems so familiar about this situation. He can't remember how he got there. The last thing he remembers is falling asleep while he had been curled up with Theo in the guest room’s bed.

Theo eyes are currently watching him, seeming to search for something in his face.

“Sunshine?” The chimera asks. “You want me to help you to sit up?”

Liam nods, he is still lost, doesn't know what is going on. Gentle hands grab his shoulder and back and slowly heave him up, so that he can sit on the edge of the operation table he has been lying on.

He is in the animal clinic, he observes.

“Theo?” He turns to look at the other boy. “We have fallen asleep, what happened afterwards? How did I end up here?”

Theo throws him a quizzical look, “What do you mean by we have fallen asleep?”

Now Liam is the one to be confused, his eyebrows pinched and his head a little tilted to the side, “You had a nightmare and so I came to help you. We kissed and then we fell asleep.” Liam doesn't know what's happening. Are his memories playing tricks on him now?

Theo slowly shakes his head. “I haven't had any nightmares in months,” he explains. He puts his hand on Liam's, their palms resting on each other. “Liam, we have been fighting against Monroe's hunters last night. You have gotten shot in the shoulder and so we’ve brought you here. It wasn't that bad but Deaton had to remove the bullet for it to heal. You have attacked us though because it was so painful and so we had to drug you with some wolfsbane and some of Deaton's other stuff to knock you out. You've been sleeping until now but I have been here to look after you. I wanted to make sure that you are okay and as your boyfriend I wanted to be the one whose face you see first when you wake up.”

Liam's brain is still processing all the things Theo has just said, dazed, but they don’t make any sense to him. He doesn’t know what’s going on and the uncertainty scares him a little.

“But how?” The beta asks more to himself than Theo. “I had lost my memories and then we had to find a way to get them back,” he mumbles, greatly confused.

“Liam, what are you talking about? I told you that you have slept until now. How could you have lost your memories then? Have you been dreaming weird shit again, Sunshine? It must have been the drugs.” Theo squeezes his shoulder lightly, giving him a gentle smile that Liam tries to mirror even though confusion is still clouding his mind.

His thoughts are still spiraling, unable to fathom that everything they had been through had only been a dream. A figment of his imagination combined with the drugs they had given him to knock him out.  

“It has all been a dream.” Liam repeats disbelievingly, looking at Theo for confirmation. The chimera nods reassuringly.

Before he can let everything sink in completely, Theo pulls him into a tight hug, nuzzling his nose into the crook of Liam's neck. He slowly lets go of him again, planting a kiss on the top of his head.

“I love you,” Liam suddenly says.

They are only three words but they mean the world to him. Because he can remember. Everything. The reasons why he loves Theo and all the emotions he has ever shared with him. Every single memory they've lived together.

He can remember. He has memories. It is a mantra that he repeats in his head over and over again. Like a broken record, but there is nothing broken about him, not anymore, and it is simply pure and beautiful.

“I love you, too,” Theo says, a wide smile dancing on his lips. “Now, let's get you home, Sunshine. You can tell me about your dream on our way there, yeah?”

“Okay,” and with that he jumps to his feet, lightly losing his balance but Theo is there to steady him, putting an arm around his middle. He is there by his side when they walk to the exit of the animal clinic, arm in arm. And he will always be there. Always by his side.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated.


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